8:29 PM, Tuesday, June 13th, 2017:
I felt like the only person that really understood the wrench that Kenny threw into this project when he made the fake dyno video and then abruptly decided to NOT come out and race when he was caught. It wasn't just that race he was affecting. If we didn't get the record? What exactly do we document then?
Well, a month later it's pretty clear that this can't go on. The reason is what I touched upon in the last Fastest Delorean entry: literally everything is about fixing his mistakes. It's so overwhelming it feels like a complete rebuild. One that could take a year. One that I don't want to document. As heartbroken as I am by what my brother did, I just don't have interest in putting it out there anymore. Cue video:
Whew. I'm not kidding when I say that stalling moment at the starting line feels like it will eat at me forever if I don't find a way to complete this project. Such an awesome and real moment. Part of me feels like if I can at least get the tachometer working I should just go there on June 25th and see if that's JUST enough to take off 3/10ths of a second and get the record except none of the crew can do it that day and it's Cam's birthday. I at least need to have it shot well - the last race day kind of set the bar. Don can't do the July 30th date... then we get into August... in the meantime? All I do is document fixing Kenny's mistakes? Really? I DON'T WANT TO LIVE THIS ANYMORE. I want it to be over and then I'm not worried about the fucking story arc. I'm fixing my Delorean the same way I've always had to fix the Delorean. I can at least stop thinking about Kenny. The documentary and his abrupt "ghosting" of it keeps it over my head forever until it's complete.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I'll toy with the tach a bit. I've done seemingly everything and it will not register. I'm certainly not holding my breath. It seems like we're destined to take a summer off here and address this again in September or October.