- 8:49 PM, Monday,
September 12th, 2016:
-
- Haven't talked
about this aspect of the project in awhile. Maybe
because the pop-ups from the past are fewer, maybe
because they don't hold the same weight... but one
thing is unavoidable: for me, it never disappears. I
will be 70, typing on this site and always be two
clicks from 2000. Once there, the videos will be the
only memories I have left, so clicking them will be
like reliving them.
-
- I'm actually at
peace with that and almost feel it's respectful to
your past to never let your heart completely slip
away. When I love someone, it honestly doesn't go
away... it just gets put into a different compartment.
As years pass of course things shift, but something
about ignoring it or completely rewriting it seems...
well, as I said: disrespectful. Relatively
speaking, it was everything at that moment. And
I never want to forget that.
-
- Sooooooooooooo -
I'm doing a wedding with the Delorean in Monterey
(helluva trek) and "Luckiest" by Ben Folds comes on. A
song that Jess and I loved from an album we listened
to repeatedly in 2000. I pull out my phone and
record the moment as I always do. I never want to
show me in these moments (though sometimes I do)
I want to capture the visuals my eyes saw even though
my brain is reliving the memories that are brought
up...
-
-
- It fades, I turn
around and walk to the Time Machine and go back to
"Delorean Guy" mode and it's over. And really, that's
it. And will BE it for a couple YEARS probably.
But it does linger.
-
- Funny thing
though, this became Jess and Jeff's song and
truthfully? It should be. Jess and I never really
had "a song". And when I listen to it closely?
Holy shit is it how I feel about me and Talya? Our
meeting was SOOOOOOOOOOOO random and SOOOOOOOOOO
easily could've never happened. I actually listened to
the song one time in front of Talya and just broke
down because it's frightening how much my life would
be different if she hadn't decided to walk from one
coffee shop to ANOTHER and I hadn't decided to
meet an ex-client of an ex-girlfriend at the closest
coffee shop to HER. Any other time, any other
moment... it was just, so, random...
-
- ...but my first
reaction? 2000. Also I'm stuck at a wedding alone
without Talya and that makes it even more of an
out-of-body experience. Fly-on-the-wall kind of
moment.
-
- I'm writing ALL of
this however to give some explanation to a video that
must seem inappropriate to viewers out of context.
This isn't a romantic thing, this isn't a longing
thing... it just IS. And moreso for me than anyone.
I guarantee you this doesn't happen to Jess. She
is so, far, removed from her life of
FIFTEEN years ago. As most people are! She thinks
of her husband when she hears this song and it might
even surprise her to remember that she heard it before
him!
-
- But I'm part of
this Journey. I'm part of this documenting experiment
that for some reason I still feel compelled to do
although I make it a point to HIDE it from
search engines and rarely if ever link people to it.
It's my therapy. And part of my therapy is to never,
ever, ever minimize what 2000 was to me. Of course I'm
happier than I EVER was before. It's not even
close. So is Jess. To Jess: WE DID IT! We
realized that nearly 10 years ago. LOL. But the tracks
that were laid down in 2000 are imprinted in my
psyche. When they show up it's good to document them.
Almost a "Salut!" moment.
-
- I appreciate
you, 2000. I appreciate all that was.
I appreciate my present and my
future.
-
- Adam
|
