8:49 PM, Monday, September 12th, 2016:
Haven't talked about this aspect of the project in awhile. Maybe because the pop-ups from the past are fewer, maybe because they don't hold the same weight... but one thing is unavoidable: for me, it never disappears. I will be 70, typing on this site and always be two clicks from 2000. Once there, the videos will be the only memories I have left, so clicking them will be like reliving them.
I'm actually at peace with that and almost feel it's respectful to your past to never let your heart completely slip away. When I love someone, it honestly doesn't go away... it just gets put into a different compartment. As years pass of course things shift, but something about ignoring it or completely rewriting it seems... well, as I said: disrespectful. Relatively speaking, it was everything at that moment. And I never want to forget that.
Sooooooooooooo - I'm doing a wedding with the Delorean in Monterey (helluva trek) and "Luckiest" by Ben Folds comes on. A song that Jess and I loved from an album we listened to repeatedly in 2000. I pull out my phone and record the moment as I always do. I never want to show me in these moments (though sometimes I do) I want to capture the visuals my eyes saw even though my brain is reliving the memories that are brought up...
It fades, I turn around and walk to the Time Machine and go back to "Delorean Guy" mode and it's over. And really, that's it. And will BE it for a couple YEARS probably. But it does linger.
Funny thing though, this became Jess and Jeff's song and truthfully? It should be. Jess and I never really had "a song". And when I listen to it closely? Holy shit is it how I feel about me and Talya? Our meeting was SOOOOOOOOOOOO random and SOOOOOOOOOO easily could've never happened. I actually listened to the song one time in front of Talya and just broke down because it's frightening how much my life would be different if she hadn't decided to walk from one coffee shop to ANOTHER and I hadn't decided to meet an ex-client of an ex-girlfriend at the closest coffee shop to HER. Any other time, any other moment... it was just, so, random...
...but my first reaction? 2000. Also I'm stuck at a wedding alone without Talya and that makes it even more of an out-of-body experience. Fly-on-the-wall kind of moment.
I'm writing ALL of this however to give some explanation to a video that must seem inappropriate to viewers out of context. This isn't a romantic thing, this isn't a longing thing... it just IS. And moreso for me than anyone. I guarantee you this doesn't happen to Jess. She is so, far, removed from her life of FIFTEEN years ago. As most people are! She thinks of her husband when she hears this song and it might even surprise her to remember that she heard it before him!
But I'm part of this Journey. I'm part of this documenting experiment that for some reason I still feel compelled to do although I make it a point to HIDE it from search engines and rarely if ever link people to it. It's my therapy. And part of my therapy is to never, ever, ever minimize what 2000 was to me. Of course I'm happier than I EVER was before. It's not even close. So is Jess. To Jess: WE DID IT! We realized that nearly 10 years ago. LOL. But the tracks that were laid down in 2000 are imprinted in my psyche. When they show up it's good to document them. Almost a "Salut!" moment.
I appreciate you, 2000. I appreciate all that was. I appreciate my present and my future.