- 10:44 PM, Monday,
January 11th, 2016:
- My step-father
introduced my musical world to me at 9. Considering
that my father was the musician, I've always found
that peculiar... but I spent more time with my
step-father since I lived with my mom growing up. My
dad and I recorded our own music together, and
enjoyed mostly the same music, but the early
influences almost unanimously came from my step-dad.
Weird even writing that.
- From the American
Grafitti soundtrack, to the Beatles - I was
pretty obsessed. Working out Beatles songs on the
piano is how I learned how to write and as I got
older, my step-father always gave me interesting
stuff, from Zappa to Bowie to everything in between.
In fact, I knew more about the music of the 60s and
70s than the current time I was in and still do.
Strange, I guess, but I was also a pretty strange
kid. My idea of current music was Michael Jackson,
Billy Joel and "Weird Al" Yankovic. Ad
- Bowie's greatest
hits was never far from my current plays and
I adored "Labyrinth" (though I will admit I was a
bit more infatuated with Jennifer Connelly at the
time) but as I got older, Bowie was always there. From
Tin Machine to working in alternative radio in the
late 90s, there was always a new Bowie song and I
remember just watching his videos in awe: how does he
seem so timeless? His looks never had an age to them.
He was an alien. It was beautiful.
- He was not my
favorite artist, though. Rarely did I yearn to hear
his new stuff unless it broke through the mainstream,
basically because I'm a bit of a melody freak. I'm a
sucker for pop melodies and can't avoid them. I would
STUDY Bowie, not necessarily enjoy him. I just
appreciated his inventiveness and ability to stay
current. "I'm Afraid of Americans" is a
brilliant song. I indeed believed he'd be
around until he was 100 creeping everyone the fuck
out. But, he surprised me. He also inspired me more
than I could have possibly imagined...
- I wouldn't say
I obsess over death, but you can't do a project
like "The Journey" without realizing, there will
indeed be a final entry. It will be a number, it will
be a date. I've even dreamt my death date at a young
age as July 13th, 2057, so if I get past that
date - they will probably be "Overtime" entries.
I'm aware of it. I'm aware that I want each year to
feel like a chapter and stand on its own and I do my
damndest to keep producing material to make that
happen. It's really hard. You have some throw away
entries, for sure just to keep it going, but 100
entries a year is difficult and this is year 17. Whew.
- Fantastically, Mr.
Bowie just raised the bar for how to die. He completed
the story before we knew it. He released his final
piece on his 69th birthday, and died 2 days later.
I have to believe it was some form of assisted
suicide when he knew he was ready. May we all be able
to do that. I looked at Talya yesterday and
said: "My death won't be normal, I hope
you're ready for that." I will want to choose the way
I go and pray I have the faculties to do that or
am able to prepare that before I lose those
faculties. I mean, this picture was taken on his
birthday, days ago:
- Fuck, man. He was
at peace and knew exactly what he was doing. His final
songs are all dealing with the eventuality that none
of us knew, knowing we would hear it at the same time
we'd hear about his death. It's a masterful amount of
planning with undeniably creepy visuals in those
videos that just, wow. It's just so goddamned Bowie, I
guess I should be surprised I'm actually
surprised. So I sat at BarKon tonight and sipped
some Lagavulin and listened...
- Contemplating what
I will continue to create. Hoping I'm at the mid-way
point and not near the end. I just look around at
what I've physically built after a lifetime of living
in a virtual world with songs and videos you can only
experience, yet not hold... it's just shocking to me.
A part of me is now within a whole lot of wood and
screws. It's a represenation of me, my creativity, my
problem-solving skills, and my ability to see
something in my head and just do it. It routinely
surprises me. I guess that's a lesson: the results
don't always match how I feel or how I think
it will go. I'm so focused on the particular problems
I have to overcome, that when it's all done? It
surprises me too. I can't believe I built it,
somewhere in the back of my mind I think I didn't.
Isn't that weird? Did I secretly hire someone to
do this? Why isn't everything falling down? How did
I know how to keep this all up? It's an
out-of-body experience and I love the hell out of it.
No matter my mood, I can go outside and sit for a few
seconds and recharge. I couldn't always do that with
the songs/videos because they were reminders of what I
hadn't done as much as what I had. This doesn't
feel like that at all. It's unlimited
- ...and Bowie
orchestrating an exit like that inspires me even MORE.
To continue to create until my final breath. To never
stop. To just push and push and share and share and if
I'm lucky enough to know death is coming, to set
something up even crazier. Even bigger. Not to be
remembered, per se, because fuck, I'll be dead - what
will I care? No, it's simply because I've been reading
this story along with everyone else and I like a good
ending. Even if it's tragic, make it good. Be
accountable to what's happening and create from
- Jesus, thank you
David Bowie. I will never forget how you left us
for as long as I live. You will always be
connected to my own thoughts of mortality and what I
can do to push the envelope further. Thank you, thank
you, thank you.