11:18 AM, Friday, October 9th, 2015:
It's been awhile since I've traveled back into that "other" journey. You know the one that is so incredibly painful (although interesting as hell) you have to be a masochist to go down the rabbit hole? But I remembered that a dozen years ago I joked about turning 40 and figured it was probably appropriate for today. And also, I just don't care enough to sing a new goddamn song about me. Those days seem pretty far away...
Funny, I was off by 467 entries. That was well before the revelation in 2009 that if I did 100 entries a year the first 2 numbers of the entry would be the actual year. That kind of numerology shit grabbed me and I did 160 entries in 2009 to catch up (and to have 1000 land on the 10 year anniversary). I'm also keenly aware of how quickly I cut that video together. and how sloppy the cutout is. I'm amazed at how I even attempted in Journey videos knowing I wouldn't have the time to do it right. I just did it. I knew how to do it right as I would later show on the big projects, but The Journey has always been about documenting the moment as efficiently as possible, getting the idea out there and moving on. And now we've moved onto 40.
I've been sitting here for awhile trying to conjure the energy to write about me and goodness, that passion is just not there. I'm so disconnected with the person from 2000-2010. It was such a journey to be responsible to my talents and I had so goddamned many that I could never figure it all out. The Journey as a website, for all its therapeutic value, was probably the worst thing possible in one respect: it forced me to focus on myself when the answer was stopping that focus. I felt responsible to my career to such an extent that I couldn't let it down. For 10 years. I just couldn't. And it nearly killed me. And now? The topic of "me" is so boring I can barely write this entry. 40 is a number that actually feels a little low considering how I feel and what I've been through... but this project says I should say something.
There's no birthday party. I assumed I'd have a Delorean gig tonight (incredibly nothing all weekend!??!?! That hasn't happened in 3 months) so nothing was planned. I don't really want one anyway... the whole idea of reflection is quite exhausting when your present is so freaking awesome. I don't need to "find me", I've never been happier... one thing has actually been consistent though: my life is still a comic book. I still can't wait to see what happens next. I still look up and try to figure out how the fuck I got to where I am. I love the fact that what I'm "known for" at this moment is the absolute polar opposite of just a few years ago... makes you wonder what happens in a few years.
The biggest thing though? As a viewer/reader of The Journey, I just don't want to see my ass singing some introspective song about the meaning of SHUT THE FUCK UP DUDE. That's my reaction. I don't even want to read this entry - LMAO. But it is 40. And it's a whole new decade I guess and well... ugh. I'll just stop.
Life is amazing. That kid in his 20s and 30s made it. I love my life, I love my future - so can I just enjoy that now instead of writing about it?