- 11:18 AM, Friday,
October 9th, 2015:
-
- It's been awhile
since I've traveled back into that "other" journey.
You know the one that is so incredibly painful
(although interesting as hell) you have to be a
masochist to go down the rabbit hole? But
I remembered that a dozen years ago I joked
about turning 40 and figured it was probably
appropriate for today. And also, I just don't care
enough to sing a new goddamn song about me. Those days
seem pretty far away...
-
-
- Funny, I was off
by 467 entries. That was well before the revelation in
2009 that if I did 100 entries a year the first 2
numbers of the entry would be the actual year. That
kind of numerology shit grabbed me and I did 160
entries in 2009 to catch up (and to have 1000 land on
the 10 year anniversary). I'm also keenly aware of how
quickly I cut that video together. and how sloppy the
cutout is. I'm amazed at how I even attempted in
Journey videos knowing I wouldn't have the time
to do it right. I just did it. I knew
how to do it right as I would later show
on the big projects, but The Journey has always been
about documenting the moment as efficiently as
possible, getting the idea out there and moving on.
And now we've moved onto 40.
-
- I've been sitting
here for awhile trying to conjure the energy to write
about me and goodness, that passion is just not there.
I'm so disconnected with the person from 2000-2010. It
was such a journey to be responsible to my talents and
I had so goddamned many that I could never figure
it all out. The Journey as a website, for all its
therapeutic value, was probably the worst thing
possible in one respect: it forced me to focus on
myself when the answer was stopping that focus. I felt
responsible to my career to such an extent that I
couldn't let it down. For 10 years. I just couldn't.
And it nearly killed me. And now? The topic of "me" is
so boring I can barely write this entry. 40 is a
number that actually feels a little low considering
how I feel and what I've been through... but this
project says I should say something.
-
- Something.
-
- There's no
birthday party. I assumed I'd have a Delorean gig
tonight (incredibly nothing all weekend!??!?! That
hasn't happened in 3 months) so nothing was planned. I
don't really want one anyway... the whole idea of
reflection is quite exhausting when your present is so
freaking awesome. I don't need to "find me", I've
never been happier... one thing has actually been
consistent though: my life is still a comic book. I
still can't wait to see what happens next. I still
look up and try to figure out how the fuck I got to
where I am. I love the fact that what I'm "known
for" at this moment is the absolute polar opposite of
just a few years ago... makes you wonder what happens
in a few years.
-
- The biggest thing
though? As a viewer/reader of The Journey, I just
don't want to see my ass singing some introspective
song about the meaning of
SHUT THE FUCK UP DUDE. That's my
reaction. I don't even want to read this entry - LMAO.
But it is 40. And it's a whole new decade I guess
and well... ugh. I'll just stop.
-
- Life is amazing.
That kid in his 20s and 30s made it. I love my life, I
love my future - so can I just enjoy that now
instead of writing about it?
-
- Sheesh.
-
- Adam
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