8:47 PM, Saturday, January 31st, 2015:
The subtle shift...
...it never happens all at once, and it isn't complete, but it's happening. That shift where your children's future is so much more important than your own you can't believe how fulfilling it is to watch them discover themselves. I don't believe I'll ever really lose myself in them because what defines me doesn't really have an age limit... but my passion is shifting.
First and foremost, we went to the orthopedic surgeon and after 3 hours... she's fine. Though he admitted to me that even he was a little concerned until the final X-rays. And, well that's an actual story:
Our appointment was 11:30. We didn't see the doctor until 1:45. Which, as bad as it sounds with a 2 year old, is only half the story: they put us in the room at 12:15. Holy shit. I'm not sure my skills as an entertainer have ever been so tested.
It eventually lead to blowing up rubber gloves and winging them at her. As we entered hour 3 of the wait, it became two...
...and what should've been a nightmare was actually? An awesome adventure. You just find crazy things to do. Hell I let her rearrange the place. They're lucky every cabinet wasn't opened and shit EVERYWHERE. 90 minutes in a confined space with a 2 year old after a 45 minute wait in the waiting room? Though you know what REALLY saved us? Goldfish. Brought out that bag and I'm telling you - it's an immediate chill for her. She eats slower than hell so it lasts forever (as long as dada restrains himself) and with a coloring book she was actually pretty cool without my antics. But it made me realize JUST how much I love this being. How much I love both of my kids to a degree that is so far outside of "you" it's almost unnerving. Almost. Part of it is actually heartwarming and, well, the circle of life. You pass on, the new generation keeps going... it happens to all of us. We've got awhile for all that of course, but I see it now. I sang her to sleep last night and felt the years slip in 2 verses. Gulp.
So yes, the docotr finally got there and was nice and pretty apologetic. He said, if you make your appointment a couple weeks in advance, it's never like this. If you need to be seen as soon as possible this sometimes happens. Now, he did all sorts of shit to both legs/knees to see if he could find a reaction, and there was none... but he said it has been 2 weeks and some healing may have occurred in what he felt could easily be a hairline fracture we couldn't see in the original x-rays. So he had us get another one from a better angle. I asked about an MRI and he said even as rubber as baby bones are? The ligaments are much much stronger than bone. A baby will break a bone before tearing a ligament. And if there's no break or new bone growth from the break on the x-ray and she's walking fine now (she favors her right when going up steps, but is walking fine) she's good to go. The x-ray was fine and we were on our way. The 2 week, 3 hour odyssey of BREAKING MY DAUGHTER'S FUCKING LEG vanished and now guess where she wants to go? Skyzone. Man I'm not ready. I'm sure she is, but holy shit. Ugh.
And on the Cam side of things there's this video that completely took me by surprise:
Wow. That was the day he turned 13 months. I had no idea he had the coordination to stack even 1 can... and had his big ass not gotten in the way, he may have gotten that thing to 4. Check out his hand open next to the tower making sure it's secure before getting the other can?!!? That's insane to me. I had absolutely no idea he was anything more than a stumbling little drunk guy. You look up one day and he's walking and... ugh. I'm officially now busy enough that I wish things would slow down a bit. I try to remember that as he still wakes up screaming in the middle of the night and that certainly sucks, but other than that? I no longer say "I just want him to get a little bit older so they can legit play". We're here. So now I'd like them to stop growing. LOL.
Actually, everything does feel pretty balanced in that respect. With The Journey you don't really have a feeling of loss when things pass because it's all here. I'm one of those people that think video (if organized correctly) is magic. Talya and I often watch video from a couple years ago when Vienna was so, so little and we're there. It is indeed a magic. Your chest hurts and hell with that big-ass 10 foot screen? It's remarkable. So all I have to do is keep this going for another 15 years and...
Wow. It just occurred to me that someday this will be a mid-point. This 15 year mark in The Journey will be the mid-point to a life in 2030. Wait, we're actually closer to 2030 than 2000? FUCK. How does that HAPPEN??!?!?!
OK, my head hurts now. Old. Tomorrow is the superbowl tourney. I want to win it in the worst way possible.