5:41 PM, Friday, January 24th, 2014:
Those are actual things in my life. There's now a "Nana" and there's a "Grandkids". It baffles me to even write that entry title. My Nana died over a dozen years ago and the plurality of "grandkids" to a guy who was single and hopeless at 35 never ceases to outright stun me.
And they're no longer dogs. You know, the running joke when you just have pets? They're you're children, and to creative parents those are their "Grandpuppies". But now they all actually exist (no offense pups) and I suddenly feel like I'm in the future. Knowing you're done with the "having" phase forces the reflection without a doubt. Something I thought about my whole life (wife & kids) is here. My mom flew out to visit them, my father will in a week... you just have to shake your head sometimes.
I think what I grasp now more than anything is that after 20 years of constant change - my life has now actually arrived. The next 20 years will be quite similar. It will be up to me to spice things up as opposed to the past where my chosen career provided all the spice necessary and a few tons more than I needed. I actually feel in control of my life for probably the first time ever. That has to sound so bizarre to all of my enemies who consider me "controlling". I shun control at every step, or at least did. I handed it to women, managers, executives... I searched for direction so intensely that anyone with an idea got a shot at my life. It ate me alive. Now I have my family, in my house and it's surrounded by love. Love not only of each other, but love within every square inch of this property. This house is a family member that requires constant care.
Sharing that with my parents is a proudness I've never quite felt before. My father was always proud of my talents in the entertainment industry and though it stressed her out, my mother was too - but having a home, most of which you built by yourself, and a wife and kids... it's just such a permanent achievement. It isn't a Comedy Central pilot that is completely in someone else's hands. Hell it isn't even a relationship where the other party will "change their mind". We're all invested in this and when my parents visit? We will always be here. I'm not sure why the arrival of Cameron has hit that home anymore than Vienna or hell, even completing GolfKon. I guess it's that completion. We're all here, and now we get to grow. And hopefully we'll have better photo-ops than this in time:
I miss my mom. She seems to remember who she was and who she can be after about 3 or 4 days here. I wonder if anyone talks to her the way I do? Funny thing about your parents, in so many ways you know them better than anyone yet we don't always remember that. So often that relationship is viewed in how THEY know YOU. The reverse is true as well. We've seen them through so many stages. Hell, my mom was 21 when she had me. I remember her 20s. Well.
So many memories... and from now on? It's Nana & The Grandkids. Remarkable.
Welcome to your 60s mom. ;-)