10:22 PM, Friday, January 10th, 2014:
Wow, so I guess Cameron is 16 days old today because January 10th is his due date and he was 16 days early. Crazy. And I won the holy shit sweepstakes because of a cancelled meeting a couple days ago so....
Yes, that frightening prospect was going to Talya first, but a meeting was cancelled and on the 8th, I got the honor as Talya had a doctor's appointment she was running late for - and getting the 4 of us there on time was not possible. So mama jumped in the car and I was, gasp, alone with the kiddos. It went a little something like this:
I love that Vienna's actually singing along with me at the end of that. :-)
It was actually a fun couple of hours as I had to just process how it was even possible that I was sitting with 2 of my kids when a little over 3 years ago, I hadn't even met Talya. Baffling for a guy who was on such a different course in life. But ya know what I'm struck with? How happy we were with Vienna to get through certain phases. For whatever reason, hitting each milestone seemed permanent because your brain doesn't actually think about it happening more than once. Even though we always wanted two - something happens when you have your first where you don't process the temporary-ness of putting away that bottle steamer. Or having a floppy neck that you have to support. Or "Tummy Time". When you get past those milestones? You're 100% focused on the next ones and then suddenly ONE YEAR LATER you start over? It's a bit of a shock to your system. If you have 2 or 3 years between them you start to feel a little nostalgic about those moments. Less than 15 months later? It feels kind of like you raked the leaves and the next day you found that someone knocked over the can and REsprawled it all over your front lawn.
Now, of course, that's the logical side of it. Emotionally it's still a bit like magic to spend time with a newborn... but the fact that we had them SO close together does keep you from having a chance to catch your breath and reminisce. Still wouldn't change it for the world, because this phase is soooooooooooo fast. I mean, super-fast. By summer? We will have 2 kids capable of playing together and by 2015? LOOKDAFUCKOUT. We will pray for the calm days of 2014 when Cameron couldn't walk. :-)
And that's the thing, I really don't think "The books" or "The sites" hit home. Whatever you think is hard? Ends so fast that it can barely register as a thing. For whatever reason I instinctively knew that with Vienna and enjoyed the SHIT out of her first 6 weeks. I was so thrilled and appreciative of having this being in my arms I enjoyed every sleepless night and diaper change...
...with Cameron? That luxury simply doesn't exist. Not when there's a toddler that needs desperately to do EVERYTHING. IMMEDIATELY. No, my moments with Cam are passing glances. Funny faces. Little moments between feedings. It's all a massive blur and I'm afraid it will remain that way until our house is back together again. The split-up aspect of it is wonderful for actually sleeping and accomplishing goals and whathaveyou - but I've yet to spend the hours upon hours with Cam I got with Vienna. And conversely, Talya misses Vienna terribly. Vienna however is lovin' the shit out of the attention and with her Nana comin' on Tuesday, it's another week of fun.
Of course this entry's video marks 6 straight of every vid being kid-centered. I mean, I know it's my life and this chaos is temporary... but I'm itchin' man. I really am. I have a lot to give. I have a ton I want to write about. I'm schemin' some career stuff with a guy from the (now defunct) writer's group and of course - GOLFKON!!!! Three weeks from Sunday marks the first event of the year!!! I'm doing a lot of little improvements around the course that I'm gonna cover in an entry before February 2nd... and damnit, I really have no choice but to write an entry about the whole "celebrity writer" fiasco which is mind-blowing. I'll leave out his name and the site so they'll never be tagged or searchable (even though you can go back to Halloween and find it all), but I can't leave that hanging as a story teller. And believe me, had I known he could've flaked on it after coming?  I never would've mentioned him. And the site has fuck-all to do with it because although he pitched the initial idea to them, they never saw a story ('cause he never wrote one) and have no idea what actually happened. So, just ugh. I have to get something other than ME to link businesses and charities to about GolfKon or I'm never gonna get sponsors or charities involved. Everyone says to just make my own charity - but fuck that. I don't want some sleazy tax write-off shield. I already give all my time and money to it for free, I just want businesses to jump on that and donate to the charity to be a part of it. I'll find a way, it'll just probably take a full year from when I thought of doing it: The Memorial this year. Oh well, if it has to be it has to be.
But when you hear this cat's excuse for not writing it, you will shake your head. Fucking Hollywood. Just when you think you're out... they PULL YOU BACK IN.