- 9:52 PM, Tuesday,
September 10th, 2013:
- These days, when
you get an hour to yourself? You just do
SOMETHING creative as fast as you can and
actually? I kind of like it better that way. This
was me just letting my sub-conscious take over...
Man, where do you
- Nearly 20 years
ago I wrote a song called "Ordinary Day". I just
quit college and although I felt it was the right
decision at the time (and especially now), I was
"balanced" enough to think I just fucked up my
life. Had I just set in stone an
"ordinary" existence because I had no
options? That was my fear. HILARIOUSLY that was my
fear. I later found out that it was the starting
point for an unbelievable 15 years stretch that only
now has slowed down. That lack of a safety net pushed
me further than I could have ever imagined and it
made me who I am. Hell I still tried to stay
stagnant with radio and even had to jump to LA because
my spirit needed to soar. And what, an incredible,
journey it was...
- ...but now? I'm
living that life I was so scared about before.
Kids. Comfort to such a degree I can barely touch
the spirit I had. Something I was so afraid
of? I love. It's an ordinary day, and I couldn't
be happier. Kids are like vicodin to dreams that
didn't occur in life: it doesn't make the pain go
AWAY, it makes you not care about the pain. So every
now and then you get a video like this
- I also have
so much video of me singing from 1990 on... that I can
throw it on-screen and feel that rush. Feel that
youthful energy without hearing a sound. Even Talya
saw it and said "You looked like you could take on the
world." That actually stung a bit, but she's right -
that's the difference. I don't have that anymore. And
again, the pain is there? But I just don't care
enough about it to focus on it. My life is so
wonderful it is indeed vicodin for that pain.
I see the pain, I feel the pain,
I shrug my shoulders and go play with
- Of course, my
talents are still on the surface. This is where the
story gets a bit murky. Because of The Journey? I
can't really fade away. I'm creating constantly. So
even if I don't care? I'm still up to speed. I
still sing well, write well, edit better than I ever
have. I have an extremely close relationship with my
"Artist" side. Which, makes you think. It makes
you want to scheme. So what do you do? You spend hours
listening to long interviews with great comedians.
Chris Rock, Louis CK, Jerry Seinfeld.
- I know I'm not
those comedians. But what always hits me when
I hear them talk, is I AM their work ethic.
I am their "never want to repeat" mentality.
Doesn't mean I always do it, but any given year
there's 10 videos that a quite impressive for
different reasons. 10 out of 100 mind you, but still.
LOL. Give it all up and make GOLFKON for fuck's
sake, it doesn't matter - you just keep creating. What
I'm missing though, and what may simply be my truth...
is a mainstream connection with what I create. I
do struggle with why that is. But I struggle so
rarely now, nothing really progresses. That's the key
to making it. That constant unease that
FORCES the struggle. It's with you
ALLLLLLLLLL DAY. It makes new plans, new ideas
because you're fighting to erase that PAIN. That
aching underachieving PAIN. But now?
I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv my wife I
luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv my kid... I have NONE of
that. I see the old pain now and again. I smile. I
think for a few moments on what I'm supposed to do
next. It doesn't come... so I play peek-a-boo
with Vienna. What used to happen 24-7 happens .35-2.
So I grew more in a DAY in 2008 than I do in
3 years. LOL.
- But I'm alive.
That's still more than Dead 2010 Adam could've done.
<shrugs> I'm ordinary, but I'm extra-ordinarily
- To be continued.
- ps - I think Obama
jobbed us all. He wasn't attacking a damn thing, he
was playing bad cop to force the negotiation. I might
be wrong here, but I may have to eat my words from the
last entry. Which is certainly a good thing.