9:44 PM, Tuesday, July 30th, 2013:
As I get older and greyer and eventually there are two of these little ones next to me... ths is gonna be a wonderful little series at the kitchen table. I certainly don't mean to exclude Talya from these videos but I'm finding that beyond parenting there is absolutely a personal side. I am a father. It's immensely personal. And just because you share the responsibilities with someone else... doesn't make it any less singular deep down inside. I will have a vastly different relationship with my girls than Talya has. And, you ready for this?
I'm just as selfish as everyone else.
There is a very strange "meme" going around the last couple years about super dads. This feeling that any father who is involved in their child's life (especially girls, because ALLLLL MEN are angry they didn't have boys) is amazing. They're selfless and incredible! Single people are the selfish ones. Childless couples who spend on themselves are selfish, yadda, yadda. It's alllllllllllllll bullshit. Why? Because everyone does what they want to do. Watch this video.
Can you tell I'm just really happy? I actually like Vienna. Kid has her 2 front teeth coming in, diarrhea, and a diaper rash that would blow your mind. So she can't sleep, but I'm not selfless because I'm taking care of her. I want her to be happy. Not because I'm a hero, but because I like this person a lot. And she just happens to be really bad at getting on a toilet and wiping her own ass and this whole excruciating pain thing is new to her. But make no mistake, I'm being COMPLETELY SELFISH. Most parents are. Certainly there are some shitty parents that made some poor life choices and truly are miserable... but that ain't me. And it isn't any of these "hero fathers" that wear capes in public with their kids that get paraded around on Facebook like the second coming. !??!? They're having fun.
The reverse is even more intense. This need to defend your chosen childless lifestyle? As if all the parents are judging you for your selfishness? Huh? I swear to you, ask any parent how they feel about a couple that decides they don't want to be parents? It's a hearty "THANK YOU. I FUCKING LOVE YOU." As parents? We need all other parents to be in this shit 100%. This is an intense hobby. LOL. You don't dabble in this. This feeling that the outside world is pressuring you into doing it? I'm telling you it's alllllllllllll in you. Maybe YOU are on the fence about it. So you read everything that way. Maybe you have the time clock in your head about how you'd better figure it out soon or it'll run out... that is pressure. But people saying "I FREAKING LOVE MY KID" aren't pressuring you - they're being selfish like the rest of us. It's because we're really happy. And happy people tend to just shove it in your face because they can't contain it. I used to hate those people. Actually, before coffee I still really do. But after coffee? I'M THOSE PEOPLE. In fact? I'm gonna break my rule. Next entry I'm uploading the 45 second adorable-ness that is Vienna and that will be it. That will be the entire entry. Just because I no longer care: I am, that dad.
But I am not selfless, I am not to be applauded. It is not special. I'm a selfish bastard who is sucking up as much time as I can with someone I find extraordinary. Talya and I are home allllllllllllllllllll day. We play with this kid alllllllllllll day. Because we are selfish. When we aren't able to go out to the movies, I'm sure people think we're "sacrificing for the baby". Nope. We actually prefer it. Selfish, selfish, selfish. Just as selfish as those that choose NOT to have kids, just as selfish as those that choose not to get married, to stay single... whatever gets you through the night peeps. Seriously.