Last night
I forgot I had been married before. It was
just a second or two, but when Talya alluded to it I
was genuinely confused for a moment.
<blink>
Early onset alzheimers? Heavy drugs? Something heavy
dropped on my head?
No,
happiness.
Happiness so
expected, so surrounding, so encompassing, and now for
so many years that it blocks nearly every exit to your
past. I can't even believe I'm typing this. I'm
the guy that keeps his skeletons open and dancing
around in public which not only shows others, but it
reminds me of where I came from - always. But little
by little, the hard times are becoming the minority of
my brain. And this happiness is the new normal. My
idea of "bad" days now are nearly comical in
comparison to just how bad things were before.
Honestly? I'm a little weaker because of it. The
"problems" of 2013 are the caviar dreams of
2010.
And of course,
then it happened: I actually, for such a long
string of minutes/hours/days didn't think about the
fact that anyone else ever shared this house or that I
was ever in love before Talya. Her random mention of
my past sounded so foreign I scrunched my forehead
before I thought: "Oh, right - that other life."
Listen, maybe for those who read this as a nice little
romantic online novel that seems perfectly acceptable
and cute... but please understand, there is a marked
difference between my day-to-day life and how it's
documented here. I love writing my life like a book
and weaving the tapestry but "day-to-day" is pretty
"down-to-earth". Rather straight-forward. Cut and dry.
Or in my case; cut, screw and stain. So this happening
blows my ever-loving mind...
...which means I'm
finally working like a normal human being.
FINALLY. The Journey, for so long, had become
this weight on my shoulders that I could never
drop because my past was ever-present. Remember this
picture from 2010?
I really didn't
see a way around that. Even happiness would be
tainted. Then again? I guess I had no idea
what happiness really felt like. Because it truly does
demolish your past. Man, I am only now processing
how bad it got. Stunning where I'm standing a short
time later. Whew.
Alright, happy
entry, happy video - and of course it's the kid being
fun.
