5:28 PM, Tuesday, July 9th, 2013:
So it's early, but just like last time... they were able to nail the sex down well before the 20 week ultrasound. And it's actually far clearer than with Vienna...
So we're hoping for a GRANDSON!
Clearly, I'm aware of how this will make her feel someday and I've gone back and forth on being honest or just shutting the hell up. Guess what I chose. Heh. But the truth is, if you actually understand what we're bummed about it makes a bit more sense. It's about being greedy, not that we don't like girls. If Vienna was a boy and we found out we were having another boy? We'd feel exactly the same. It's that initial "bummer, would've been nice to raise a daughter"... annnnnnnnd that's it. I adore Vienna and I'm just as excited about raising a strong confident woman as I would a strong confident man. I simply know it's a vastly different experience with different sexes and both Talya and I were excited to experience it. We won't. And I guess, if we really wanted it we could work our asses off, buy a new house try again or adopt...
...but we won't do that. We love our house, we love our life and trying to live beyond your means is the best way to not love your life. I'm a big believer in floating downstream and how silly is it to spend more than a minute thinking about something you have no control over?!?!!? We'll have a ball with 2 girls a year apart. And I am extremely proud of my role as a role-model to my soon-to-be daughters of what a good man is and how a loving relationship works. It's the greatest role I've ever known. So whatever disappointment I have in not knowing what it's like to raise a son? Is replaced immediately with the excitement of the completion of our family. I've also always been in tune with the female mind as a bi-product of being raised by a single mom. When guys joke that they can't understand what women are thinking, I always bite my tongue. I can never understand what MEN are thinking half the time. <shrugs> I was destined to have daughters and I love it.
There is another angle that has been in the back of my head ever since we got pregnant last year... would I be a difficult father to have for a boy? Ugh, this is embarrassing, but it is the pink elephant in the room and this site is full of me tackling those. (sigh) Even in relationships? I've had issues with how it makes my significant other feel when literally everything I pick up and try, I do very well. It's fucking annoying. It's a running joke with Talya and her mother and honestly? That's not fun very to live with. I do everything I can to take the spotlight off me but even that makes Talya roll her eyes sometimes. And we're equals in the scheme of things! When you're a kid and a notch below in the order of the house? That can suuuuuuuuck. And as a boy you automatically want to be like your dad. Ugh. If it was only one area? Not an issue as the kid can find his niche to excel and surpass me. But seriously, even I'm annoyed that I decide to build a house - and do it. Or that I'm a good singer or songwriter or I'm good at sports and then can paint and draw and can write or have a good vocabulary, etc. I can't even imagine how much pressure he'd feel no matter what I did to show that it doesn't really matter. A daughter? She won't draw the same parallels with me. If anything it may make her dating life hell (which is AWESOME), but she'll be fine. HAHAHAHAHA. Oh believe me, I'm gonna have fun with those boys though considering the sway of society and my knack for being surrounded by women, they'll probably marry other women. :-)
And also at the 20 week ultrasound, maybe it's a boy and then I really have to deal with this. I guess I'm just saying there's a positive to another girl especially if the boy would've been as oversensitive as I was growing up. It had really been nagging at me and I don't feel that stress with a daughter. I guess that's sexist, right? Like a daughter can't do anything a son can? Not what I mean, it will be my joy in life to make my daughter redefine gender roles, but the point is - if she isn't good at something I am, she will never take it as personally as a son would. She won't constantly be trying to live up to me in the same way because even if she's attempting what society says is "male dominated" and I happen to excel in it she will automatically have a fresh angle on it as a woman. Kinda awesome. I'm very excited about all the things she and her sister will get into. And seriously, mark my words, they will win a GolfKon Major against the adults.
Alrighty. One man, a wife, 2 girls, 2 girl dogs... In 13 years I very well may be living in the GolfKon Guesthouse.