...10 years ago
today the keys to my house were handed over. Jess and
I walked in and began a new chapter in our life
together and the story started. I've known this date
was coming for so long now and I have been going
through TONS of unseen footage from May 2003 for
the 10 year anniversary. But as I kept going it
occured to me...
...a year later
Jess and I split. What was the crux of life ten
years ago for this house was barely a tenth of what it
means now. I don't shy away from talking about me and
Jess for fear of offending Talya, she would completely
understand a video blog with Jess in it for this
occasion - but that's not what this house means to
me.
For ten years,
when I had nothing? I had this house. When
I lost everything and cried myself to sleep?
I had this house. When I had no drive to
keep my career going? I always found ways to make
money... to save this house. I mean, the construction
aspect of what I've done the past couple of years is a
given, I have a tactile relationship with these
walls - but it's something much more. When
I needed a mother, a wife, a friend - I woke up
to these walls. It was my only familiarity, it was my
only stability - this house became my loving arms that
would never leave me.
The more
I thought about it, the more it occured to me.
I will never get rid of this house. At best it
will become a rental if we need to move on, but it
will ALWAYS be with me. It's the only reason I'm
standing. It was the only thing I had to take
care of sometimes. When everyone left? I had to care
for it. It really is an almost parental bond going
both ways. It was always there for me.
Of course now?
Those days are over. I have a family.
A family who cherishes this home as much as
I do, but I now get to focus on caring for a wife
and a child. Oh the house still takes the lionshare of
"work" as family and relationship seems frighteningly
simple right now, but it has lost a bit of the
"mothering" feeling as we enter the 2nd decade of
our relationship. And that's how it should
be.
And the best way
to honor the transition? Mother's Day. The first
official Mother's Day for the mother of my child... in
our home, cooking her pancakes, and eating them in
what is now a very nice and spacious kitchen area
thanks to taking down a wall in this lovely old home.
This house will still be the background for our lives
and I'm proud of that. Because there was a
night when I let go. I gave up the fight and I'd never
know the peace I have. I'm so glad I woke
up. I'm so glad this house reminded me to keep going.
I'm so glad I get to write this song to my
wife.
