4:11 PM, Tuesday, May 14th, 2013:
Amazingly, incredibly, bafflingly...
...10 years ago today the keys to my house were handed over. Jess and I walked in and began a new chapter in our life together and the story started. I've known this date was coming for so long now and I have been going through TONS of unseen footage from May 2003 for the 10 year anniversary. But as I kept going it occured to me...
...a year later Jess and I split. What was the crux of life ten years ago for this house was barely a tenth of what it means now. I don't shy away from talking about me and Jess for fear of offending Talya, she would completely understand a video blog with Jess in it for this occasion - but that's not what this house means to me.
For ten years, when I had nothing? I had this house. When I lost everything and cried myself to sleep? I had this house. When I had no drive to keep my career going? I always found ways to make money... to save this house. I mean, the construction aspect of what I've done the past couple of years is a given, I have a tactile relationship with these walls - but it's something much more. When I needed a mother, a wife, a friend - I woke up to these walls. It was my only familiarity, it was my only stability - this house became my loving arms that would never leave me.
The more I thought about it, the more it occured to me. I will never get rid of this house. At best it will become a rental if we need to move on, but it will ALWAYS be with me. It's the only reason I'm standing. It was the only thing I had to take care of sometimes. When everyone left? I had to care for it. It really is an almost parental bond going both ways. It was always there for me.
Of course now? Those days are over. I have a family. A family who cherishes this home as much as I do, but I now get to focus on caring for a wife and a child. Oh the house still takes the lionshare of "work" as family and relationship seems frighteningly simple right now, but it has lost a bit of the "mothering" feeling as we enter the 2nd decade of our relationship. And that's how it should be.
And the best way to honor the transition? Mother's Day. The first official Mother's Day for the mother of my child... in our home, cooking her pancakes, and eating them in what is now a very nice and spacious kitchen area thanks to taking down a wall in this lovely old home. This house will still be the background for our lives and I'm proud of that. Because there was a night when I let go. I gave up the fight and I'd never know the peace I have. I'm so glad I woke up. I'm so glad this house reminded me to keep going. I'm so glad I get to write this song to my wife.