Happy
Birthday Kenny. Next year you will be the same age
I was when I left for LA, 24. You were 9
when I came out here. (sigh)
So it seems like
it's been a year since I've done a "Journeysong" and
it's because I took that year to become a
construction worker and to say there aren't enough
hours in the day when you're doing that is to say the
least. As well, I was creatively satisfied with
everything I built and didn't breathe
music. Something a lot of "Artists" never
understand about The Journey: I'm just documenting
what I do naturally. Sometimes it's good,
sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's happy, sometimes
it's sad. 2012? It was buidling a ridiculous doghouse
with a doggy door through the house... and a golf
course... and redoing the kitchen, the baby's room,
etc. So I documented that.
2013? I don't
really know. I never really know, but this
year is a little different (even for me). I still
have a good month's worth of construction left, so
there is that, but I need an actual job now. The
IMAX stock that has funded my meager lifestyle for so
many years is coming to an end and I'm soon to be back
to the grind, but it certainly begs the
question: now what?
I honestly can't
do what most people do: assess their skills and
talents and go in that direction. I swear to you,
I really believe I could do anything. And
when I look at my most valuable assets?
I should be in some form of television
production, no-doubt. I mean, take a look at that
last entry. These entries are throw-away pieces of
"Art" that are literally HIDDEN online thanks to how
my website is built. No one will see that video... but
it's really professional. It's not just the camera,
I'm good at that. Hell after over 20 years of editing
I should be. But do I want to go down that
path? Fuck no. Even doing actor reels for people has
gotten offensive. This one BITCH actually said
to me: "I wish I could do this so I wouldn't
have to pay you..." And the massive sum she paid me
for a perfectly timed and edited reel? $90. Granted,
my issue for charging so little, but I'm trying to
HELP people too. Silly me. And yet, she still felt
slighted? Why, because I can do it so fast? What
takes most people days takes me 3 hours? It took me 20
years to be able to do that in 3 hours.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
The truth is, what
I'm best at? Being the "go-to" guy at a small
company for everything. Fixing computers,
graphic art design, editing, managing - running the
show. I am really good at multi-tasking
and making things run more efficiently. In the right
situation, I could absolutely be the glue that
keeps a company ticking because there simply isn't a
task I can't pull off. And, yes, I could
very well start my own company - but in many
respects? I am my own company already, I'm just on
hiatus. What I'm looking for is like what I had
2008-2009 - a simple 9-5, but hopefully with a bit
more responsibility. They had no idea what
I could do (and I guess I kind of liked
that) and I was relegated oftentimes to printing
WEBSITES for them to read.
Yup. These old
people man, I'm telling YOU... would fucking make me
print 50 to 65 pages of a goddamned website and then
ask me why there were boxes with Xs on the
paper.
"It's
cause that's an animation. If you just
GO TO THE WEBSITE you'll be able to see
it."
(sigh)
Notice however, in
this entire entry there is no mention of the
other career. I haven't the slightest idea
where to start and simply have other priorities now.
Looking back on everything I wonder if I believed
too long in all of that. And that's where this song
comes in...
Kinda bittersweet,
right? Let me say first and foremost, Talya didn't
kill my dreams. LMAO. The thought of which is
laughable. I was on my deathbed when Talya
came along. I seriously wasn't gonna be alive,
my career? What the fuck was that in 2010? So, no,
Talya did not "crush" anything. She gave me a reason
to get the fuck up in the morning and I've never been
so blissful in all of my life...
...that bliss
however, is indeed a barrier to the industry. Without
a doubt. Starving, struggling... that really does
motivate you. I ain't starvin', I ain't
strugglin'... and all I want to do with my free time
is play with my kid. It's clear that I will keep "The
Journey" going though (which believe me, used to
be up in the air when and if kids came) and just that
process will keep hope alive. Art comes out of The
Journey that wouldn't exist otherwise. There is no
"You're a Mean One, Newt Gingrich" without The
Journey. Stuff like that can open all sorts of doors.
I have my medium, I know how to get views if I'm
willing to put the time in, and the fact that I've
done this vlog longer than anyone in the world? It's
something. But going OUTSIDE of The Journey? For
career stuff? Over singing to that baby? Whew. I'm
gonna be hard pressed to do that. Seriously,
I can't even fathom it. But when opportunity
knocks, we'll see what happens.
