12:01 AM, Thursday, January 10th, 2013:
Happy Birthday Kenny. Next year you will be the same age I was when I left for LA, 24. You were 9 when I came out here. (sigh)
So it seems like it's been a year since I've done a "Journeysong" and it's because I took that year to become a construction worker and to say there aren't enough hours in the day when you're doing that is to say the least. As well, I was creatively satisfied with everything I built and didn't breathe music. Something a lot of "Artists" never understand about The Journey: I'm just documenting what I do naturally. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's happy, sometimes it's sad. 2012? It was buidling a ridiculous doghouse with a doggy door through the house... and a golf course... and redoing the kitchen, the baby's room, etc. So I documented that.
2013? I don't really know. I never really know, but this year is a little different (even for me). I still have a good month's worth of construction left, so there is that, but I need an actual job now. The IMAX stock that has funded my meager lifestyle for so many years is coming to an end and I'm soon to be back to the grind, but it certainly begs the question:  now what?
I honestly can't do what most people do: assess their skills and talents and go in that direction. I swear to you, I really believe I could do anything. And when I look at my most valuable assets? I should be in some form of television production, no-doubt. I mean, take a look at that last entry. These entries are throw-away pieces of "Art" that are literally HIDDEN online thanks to how my website is built. No one will see that video... but it's really professional. It's not just the camera, I'm good at that. Hell after over 20 years of editing I should be. But do I want to go down that path? Fuck no. Even doing actor reels for people has gotten offensive. This one BITCH actually said to me: "I wish I could do this so I wouldn't have to pay you..." And the massive sum she paid me for a perfectly timed and edited reel? $90. Granted, my issue for charging so little, but I'm trying to HELP people too. Silly me. And yet, she still felt slighted? Why, because I can do it so fast? What takes most people days takes me 3 hours? It took me 20 years to be able to do that in 3 hours. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
The truth is, what I'm best at? Being the "go-to" guy at a small company for everything. Fixing computers, graphic art design, editing, managing - running the show. I am really good at multi-tasking and making things run more efficiently. In the right situation, I could absolutely be the glue that keeps a company ticking because there simply isn't a task I can't pull off. And, yes, I could very well start my own company - but in many respects? I am my own company already, I'm just on hiatus. What I'm looking for is like what I had 2008-2009 - a simple 9-5, but hopefully with a bit more responsibility. They had no idea what I could do (and I guess I kind of liked that) and I was relegated oftentimes to printing WEBSITES for them to read.
Yup. These old people man, I'm telling YOU... would fucking make me print 50 to 65 pages of a goddamned website and then ask me why there were boxes with Xs on the paper.
"It's cause that's an animation. If you just GO TO THE WEBSITE you'll be able to see it."
Notice however, in this entire entry there is no mention of the other career. I haven't the slightest idea where to start and simply have other priorities now. Looking back on everything I wonder if I believed too long in all of that. And that's where this song comes in...
Kinda bittersweet, right? Let me say first and foremost, Talya didn't kill my dreams. LMAO. The thought of which is laughable. I was on my deathbed when Talya came along. I seriously wasn't gonna be alive, my career? What the fuck was that in 2010? So, no, Talya did not "crush" anything. She gave me a reason to get the fuck up in the morning and I've never been so blissful in all of my life...
...that bliss however, is indeed a barrier to the industry. Without a doubt. Starving, struggling... that really does motivate you. I ain't starvin', I ain't strugglin'... and all I want to do with my free time is play with my kid. It's clear that I will keep "The Journey" going though (which believe me, used to be up in the air when and if kids came) and just that process will keep hope alive. Art comes out of The Journey that wouldn't exist otherwise. There is no "You're a Mean One, Newt Gingrich" without The Journey. Stuff like that can open all sorts of doors. I have my medium, I know how to get views if I'm willing to put the time in, and the fact that I've done this vlog longer than anyone in the world? It's something. But going OUTSIDE of The Journey? For career stuff? Over singing to that baby? Whew. I'm gonna be hard pressed to do that. Seriously, I can't even fathom it. But when opportunity knocks, we'll see what happens.