10:45 PM, Friday, November 23rd, 2012:
Man I have avoided that entry title for nearly 13 years. It's a 4-word phrase that has popped up in my head ever since I thought of 4tvs with the famous addendum: "...master of none." The philosophy that some people are destined to do everything well, but never achieve "Greatness" in one area BECAUSE they do everything well. I hate the term with a passion, but this latest construction project (which will be a surprise and released at a later date) has all but made me wonder again. A lot. I explain a lot in the video...
That reads as a little bitter I guess. Like the only reason I didn't achieve more success was timing. Well, putting it that way I do actually believe that. LOL. But I don't necessarily believe all the greats in showbiz weren't "masters"... clearly the majority were and are. There is however, so much mediocrity that you're hard pressed to understand what sticks and what doesn't. Especially as I look back on the 10 years within 2000-2010. So much talent, so much hard work... I mean, the most tenacity I've ever heard of, unending...
...and only 1 year of success? And then you come to what I've done this year... huh? I jump head first into things no one in their right mind would attempt... and I pull them off. Well! Not arrogance, just straight up observation when compared to other people's reactions to those things. It's not even the finished product that makes me think that, people do far better work than I do, it's that I still have that thing in me that says: "Yeah, I can do that." - and then I do it. Just have no fear of failure... and it's in every possible creative field you can imagine. So much so? Nearly everything I attempt, people assume that's "What I Should Do". Ugh, I've certainly written about this before...
People get angry at me on this one. They feel like I'm the biggest asshole that ever lived. Imagine it, you go to someone's house and see that they, christ, I don't know... wittled a piece of wood into a gorgeous statue. Looks professional. You say: "Oh you're a sculptor? You work with wood?" They say:  "No, just thought I'd try it."
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck you. Everyone hates those bastards. Well, goddamnit, I'm that bastard. I thought I was that bastard BEFORE 2012, and now? It's annoying. I don't want to be good at everything I attempt. I want to be AWESOME at one thing so I can have a job like normal people and be successful. Because choosing ONE THING and putting all my creative energies into that? Would be astounding. But I've tried that shit and I get bored. I can't do it. I have no passion for individual parts, I have passion for the entirety of it. I love attempting ridiculously ambitious things that no one in their right mind would attempt alone... and just doing it.
"You didn't build that yourself without writing anything down..."
Writing it down? What fun is that? Just build what your mind sees, man.
See that up there? That even annoys ME. And I say that shit. Ugh.
I guess I'm just really saying that I don't see how this ever gets much better. I mean, eventually all the house stuff will be done and I can try something else, but I feel like I'm almost doomed to be unsatisfied the rest of my life when it comes to "working". 'Cause the truth is, as much as I love doing a little bit of everything? It annoys me that I can't seem to put it all together and get paid for being the most talented man on the planet. All because I keep adding skills/talents to my repetoire. Skills/Talents that I would NEVER consider doing professionally, even if I could.
Which also makes people angry when I tell them. If this just isn't the most annoying entry ever.