The Journey
Folklore on this one is "eye-rolling" worthy, but this
date seems even more magical than our wedding date. We
chose our wedding date, this date chose us. And now?
Two years later we walk back into the Starbucks we met
at with our BABY.
If you missed it
last year, I described the whole story of how we
met in 2010. It's honestly? Almost too much to
process. I'm already battling the urge to weep every
other moment looking at Vienna, but to take in the
fairy tale that my life has become the past couple of
years is actually too much. I start to, and
I can't and I just move on. Because it's a
LOT of Journey years to have gotten here. That
documentary damn near killed me and taking the entire
thing on as a whole in my brain just beats the hell
out of me. So I take it in little bits. In the
tiniest smile from Vienna, in the exhausted hugs from
Talya and in every moment in between.
I'm torn
however... between screaming this from the
mountaintops and hiding it for myself. I want
this to be an inspiration to others not to settle. I
want this to be an inspiration to the divorced people
of the world that you can find positives everywhere
and that your past truly, honestly, sincerely molds
you perfectly into the person your soulmate
will want to spend their life with. What you think
"lessens your stock", only "lessens your stock" to the
people you didn't want in your life to begin with!
Hell, I feel more for people with clean slates!
They have so much more work to do! Once you've set
things in stone, you're you! When people come in and
scream at you about how miserable you are and how
embarrassed you should be about your past... you can
smile, giggle a little, and offer THEM a hug.
That's the beauty of dancing with your skeletons as
opposed to hiding them. You will find someone who
loves skeleton dancing. :-)
The flip side of
me? Wants to never write in this journal again, to
turn off the computer forever, spend absolutely every
second with my family and just be happy.
Godddddddddddd I knew this would happen. LOL.
Will anyone ever know just how difficult pushing my
talents has been for me? How little I ever
enjoyed? How my dissatisfaction at home is literally
what kept me moving beyond that? That now that I'm
happy I just don't care to even broach anything
else? And shit, try and inspire others to follow my
example? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. I don't even believe
that anyway! My example is good for ME. I don't know
shit about how others should live other than they
should cater it to themselves. I guess I'm just
in that Lennon 35-40 stage where I have no problem
cutting off from the world completely. Wow, I know we
had a lot of similarities (same birthday, music,
singing, political, etc) but I had forgotten
about his "lost years". But really, that's what
I did at 35. I just stopped. Enjoyed Talya, am
now enjoying our daughter and am happily watching the
wheels go round and round. No longer riding on the
merry-go-round that nearly killed me. I just had
to let it go. Spooky, it's the exact same
thing.
Except without the
money and fame. LOL.
Then again, that
lack of money and fame will probably keep me from
getting shot in a couple years. :-( We do seem to be
ruled by the same things though. Constant search for
balance and truth mixed with music and art.
I really need to finish Vienna's
painting.
I really need to
sleep again. Heh.
Alright, most
likely this will be the last "Starbucks" entry
for a couple of years. Our family will make the
pilgrimage yearly (much to our children's annoyance
I'm sure), but it isn't really "entry
worthy" each year. I hate repeating myself
(funny from mr. marriage), and really - how many times
can I write about this? But it seemed special (if
not astounding) that on the 2 year anniversary of
meeting Talya we are married with a child.
Boy we certainly
knew how to stay out of a relationship didn't we.
:-)
