10:13 PM, Friday, October 19th, 2012:
Wow. What do you even write?
The Journey Folklore on this one is "eye-rolling" worthy, but this date seems even more magical than our wedding date. We chose our wedding date, this date chose us. And now? Two years later we walk back into the Starbucks we met at with our BABY.
If you missed it last year, I described the whole story of how we met in 2010. It's honestly? Almost too much to process. I'm already battling the urge to weep every other moment looking at Vienna, but to take in the fairy tale that my life has become the past couple of years is actually too much. I start to, and I can't and I just move on. Because it's a LOT of Journey years to have gotten here. That documentary damn near killed me and taking the entire thing on as a whole in my brain just beats the hell out of me. So I take it in little bits. In the tiniest smile from Vienna, in the exhausted hugs from Talya and in every moment in between.
I'm torn however... between screaming this from the mountaintops and hiding it for myself. I want this to be an inspiration to others not to settle. I want this to be an inspiration to the divorced people of the world that you can find positives everywhere and that your past truly, honestly, sincerely molds you perfectly into the person your soulmate will want to spend their life with. What you think "lessens your stock", only "lessens your stock" to the people you didn't want in your life to begin with! Hell, I feel more for people with clean slates! They have so much more work to do! Once you've set things in stone, you're you! When people come in and scream at you about how miserable you are and how embarrassed you should be about your past... you can smile, giggle a little, and offer THEM a hug. That's the beauty of dancing with your skeletons as opposed to hiding them. You will find someone who loves skeleton dancing. :-)
The flip side of me? Wants to never write in this journal again, to turn off the computer forever, spend absolutely every second with my family and just be happy. Godddddddddddd I knew this would happen. LOL. Will anyone ever know just how difficult pushing my talents has been for me? How little I ever enjoyed? How my dissatisfaction at home is literally what kept me moving beyond that? That now that I'm happy I just don't care to even broach anything else? And shit, try and inspire others to follow my example? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. I don't even believe that anyway! My example is good for ME. I don't know shit about how others should live other than they should cater it to themselves. I guess I'm just in that Lennon 35-40 stage where I have no problem cutting off from the world completely. Wow, I know we had a lot of similarities (same birthday, music, singing, political, etc) but I had forgotten about his "lost years". But really, that's what I did at 35. I just stopped. Enjoyed Talya, am now enjoying our daughter and am happily watching the wheels go round and round. No longer riding on the merry-go-round that nearly killed me. I just had to let it go. Spooky, it's the exact same thing.
Except without the money and fame. LOL.
Then again, that lack of money and fame will probably keep me from getting shot in a couple years. :-( We do seem to be ruled by the same things though. Constant search for balance and truth mixed with music and art. I really need to finish Vienna's painting.
I really need to sleep again. Heh.
Alright, most likely this will be the last "Starbucks" entry for a couple of years. Our family will make the pilgrimage yearly (much to our children's annoyance I'm sure), but it isn't really "entry worthy" each year. I hate repeating myself (funny from mr. marriage), and really - how many times can I write about this? But it seemed special (if not astounding) that on the 2 year anniversary of meeting Talya we are married with a child.
Boy we certainly knew how to stay out of a relationship didn't we. :-)