6:59 PM, Friday, April 29th, 2012:
I am (and always will be) a bit of a yo-yo dieter. Once I embraced that, I was a whole lot happier. About once a year I realize I'm a slob and need to eat less and move more. I generally do, and I'm quite accustomed to the fluctuation. I know my genetics well, and it will always be a ridiculous amount of work to maintain a healthy weight. I pray my kid gets Talya's genes.
Of course this go-round is the worst it's ever been since 2001. I have never hit 190 and after the trip to Columbus I most certainly did. Usually I hit 180, freak out and work my way down to 160ish. Amazingly the jump from 180-190? Was simply the week in New York and the week in Columbus. Yup, all the walking in New York didn't matter. Even hardly eating anything the last few days in Columbus and SHARING most of my food with Talya... I still gained 10 full pounds in those 2 weeks. My body desperately aches to be heavy. However, the best part about hitting 190? The beginning of the diet/workout regime. It's always the best part. It's the easiest first 10 pounds ever...
...except this time. Everyone said I was crazy and assured me I wasn't going to get to 155-160 while my wife was pregnant. Sorry Adam, it goes the other way. And with good reason. You're 100% focused on your wife and if your wife wants krispy kreme, you're getting krispy kreme. I mean, are you really gonna sit and watch that food be eaten? Of course not. And in my life? I never have. Ever. I need a pretty controlled environment to pull off my weight loss. Yet somehow? Someway? I have perservered through the hardest situations for me - ever.
How 'bout Talya and her mother sharing a plate of nachos while I drink water? Not a bite. I've now gone out to eat probably a dozen times on this diet and had absolutely nothing. I'm staying at 1200 calories a day, and simply can't eat out. I don't know how I do it. To make things worse? Ready for this? This has never happened to me in the history of Adam Kontras:
They left a good quarter of the nachos on the plate? And the waiter took it away. And I didn't finish it. No. That doesn't happen to me. Only thing harder for me than giving up free food? WASTING free food. Honestly, as he picked up the plate I said "no, wait..." and then realized I couldn't eat it anyway... and he TOOK THE FOOD AWAY AND THREW IT OUT. I actually feel guilty. LOL. Call it a product of growing up poor, but that is something I cannot do. I am the clean-plater of the CENTURY. I clean my plate, your plate and if they let me? The plates of the table behind us. If it's gonna be thrown out? I feel like it's my job to save it from being wasted. It is burned in my brain...
...but I keep on goin'.
Now that Talya is feeling better? Cravings cravings cravings. And add in the guy renting the guesthouse who just so happens to have a new girlfriend who is a BAKER and he's on the binge of a lifetime. Donuts, cookies, pizza, every fucking thing (which of course Talya loves). We're watching a movie last night? In comes Jon with Krispy Kreme. I say no. I don't know how I'm doing it. I really don't. Absolutely nothing can change my mind. I haven't had this type of will... ever?
The thing is, I want to be with Talya no matter what. So if she's going out to eat with her mom, I eat my portioned chicken and quinoa/rice and then go with them to keep company. I may steal a tiny bite, but I even work that into my calories. I'm just going to do this. Period. I am NOT fat, bearded Adam. That was a trick to mess with everyone in Ohio. My goal is Comedy Central Adam (which even with intense dieting and working out is another 2 1/2 months away). Yup, healthy weight loss is a painfully slow 2.5 pounds a week (after the initial loss the first week 'cause you're body is used to being so sedintary).
The good thing is... I have an instruction manual that's suited specifically to my body which tells me exactly what I have to do (30 minutes of cardio each day) and exactly how much to eat (1200 calories a day) to lose weight. Other people may need more, but since I'm only active 30 minutes a day? Anything more and I GAIN weight. Seriously, with my metabolism, 1500 calories a day is my absolute limit. Any more and I gain at a lightening pace. Sad but true.
And every other day, my cardio of choice is running. Ugh. So I made this video...
Seriously hate it. Nothing about my body enjoys running, but honestly? Nothing comes close to how much of a workout it is. I guess swimming does, but with swimming it's so easy to coast. With running, you're either running or you're NOT running. And if you maintain the motion, you will work your ass OUT. I've had to go every other day simply to save my legs. Shin splints and knee problems will now persist throughout my life and since I don't want to quit all together I'm doubling my rest. It will soon be 2 days in between. C'est La Vie...
...but everything else? Really is an excuse. As I've said in every entry I've ever written about working out and eating right - the way you combat not wanting to do that? Is you don't. If you don't want it, you won't do it. I happen to want the old me back here very badly. So badly that I will take the period of my life which is supposed to be relaxing and enjoying the weight you normally gain with your wife and challenge myself even harder.
10 down, 25 to go.