entry and video locked until 04.01.12
10:25 PM, Sunday, March 25th, 2012:
A couple weeks ago I saw this tweet from one of the "mean girls"
Nancy Drew. 2 months of locked entries after saying "Let's Make Babies"... uhm, wonder why that could be? Trying to be "correct" and waiting until the second trimester for it to be public is probably the worst kept secret to anyone following The Journey, but she felt the need to post that. The meanness comes in that fact that she had warned Talya I would soon divorce her "like all the others" (though that never actually happened) and continues to make fun of Talya on her twitter feed. Feel free to follow for more fun. :) I find it amusing of course because I already know the ending, so it's fun to watch people dead-set on your unhappiness have to spin all the happy moments in your life. It's like watching the GOP spin good economic news. Of course Talya and I are so sickeningly in love and happy about the baby inside her it would make even our family roll ther eyes. More loving tears in 2 months than in the entire time we've known each other. Just a wonderful, wonderful time for us...
...however, the tweet hurt Talya. A bunch. I barely knew her friend other than the few months we spent with her and her husband. I liked them both and had no reason to feel otherwise until the online attacks. Talya however had a 5 year relationship, was in her wedding... so it still hurts as she runs through all the moments we spent together thinking everyone was happy. And to have some creepy tweet like that just shows how disconnected she is from any reality but her own. We are overjoyed (as I said above) to the point of daily tears and we understand that she never wants children and we respect that... but even as an "ex" friend, you can't even be happy someone else is happy? I mean as I said in the entry last month... at some point you'd imagine they'd say to themselves: "Hmm, they're pretty happy, we'll move on." Not yet apparently. I mean, I was legitimately happy for her when a parody song she did got popular and had 40,000 views. I know how that feels, it's great! I hoped she would get some happiness out of the recognition 'cause in the end, all her venom comes from an inner unhappiness no one can address except her. And I REALLY RELATE to that. It's why Talya thought we'd get along, we have such a similar background and career ambitions. I remember what it felt like to have all my happiness come from my "career". It will eat your soul. LOL. THANK THE FUCK CHRIST I found happiness within these pages and could treat the "career" as the silly game that it is. I meet with Tammy & Steve in 2 days because of that silly game... but it won't affect my happiness either way. Anyway, I thought she got a piece of that with the success of her video and I was happy for her. And then that tweet. Not sure why she wanted to publically send that message to Talya but it certainly has negative overtones considering she has said that I will leave her in the wind... now with a baby. It's just, well, mean.
So Talya wrote a blog about it and it's heart-wrenching for me to read...
I'm Sorry.
I’m sorry that you felt I slighted you. That was never my intention.
I’m sorry you felt the need to attack me after I didn’t take your side.
I’m sorry you always looked for the negative and continue to do so.
I’m sorry positivity is so difficult for you to see.
I’m sorry happiness is impossible for you to accept, in others and in yourself.
I’m sorry you are only able to see things from your perspective.
I’m sorry I was able to see your side and not agree with you.
I’m sorry my seeming naive upsets you so much.
I’m sorry that what you saw as naive was not naive at all, but the willingness to jump and be happy while knowing my partner has a past.
I’m sorry that past doesn’t scare me like it scares you.
I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could talk to me when you had concerns.
I’m sorry it was too late when I addressed them.
I’m sorry I couldn’t convince you.
I’m sorry you felt the need to be so mean to me. And my husband.
I’m sorry you don’t appreciate his art.
I’m sorry you couldn’t have any empathy for me when I told you why I couldn’t deal with your seemingly small issue.
I’m sorry you’re waiting for me to get divorced.
I’m sorry you think I’m stupid.
I’m sorry you couldn’t share in the best day of my life.
I’m sorry you believe it was just one little disagreement.
I’m sorry that I’ll never get to laugh at your jokes again.
I’m sorry you seem to enjoy poking fun at me.
I’m sorry I saw the real you.
I’m sorry for you.
I’m sorry it still hurts me.
...and also very beautiful. My favorite part is the vulnerability at the end. She is sensitive. It does hurt. And admitting it unabashedly is the bravest thing you can do. Don't hide it. Don't act like you're better than the person, that they can't hurt you... say it loud, say it with love and say it publically - because it's the truth. It really does set you free of your issues. It is a beautiful therapy to write.
And that is a beautiful woman. Love ya Talya. I swear the nausea will end.