So happy to be
posting this I can barely stand it...
I could've edited
that a bit tighter, but as a parent? I just never
want it to end. I kinda want to keep looking at
that. I wish there was an app on my iphone
I could check and see throughout the day. I'm as
giddy as a little boy on a constant level... and I'm
promising all of you that I'm not gonna be that
dad. Let me explain...
I get annoyed at
the parent-centric posts on Facebook too. 'Cause in
the end? Kids pretty much do the same goddamn thing at
every age. It isolates you as a writer to only being
relatable to other parents and I decided long ago that
whenever I had kids, I was going to try and base
my ramblings on what I felt like. I don't
want to chronicle my children as if this was suddenly
their journey. I think that's unfair to them and
frankly, shouldn't be public. What I'm going to try
and do is continue to chronicle what changes me as a
man throughout life. This entry's video certainly does
that, and of COURSE my children will be a
huge part of that... but I don't want to lose myself
completely. Now, I very well may for a bit. But I'm
going to try and maintain a sense of self through The
Journey. Chronicle more about my thoughts. Like, if I
want to kill my kid, I'll probably write that. Now, I
may lock it, but to me? That's what I want to
read about. I have followed this character for 12
years too, and I kinda wonder how he's gonna handle
this. I mean, I know he'll be a good father (he
fuckin' tells us enough, doesn't he?), but what
happens when he screws up? What happens when the
wheels come off of that idealized family life he's put
together? Will he be honest about that? Or will he
hide behind the cute drawing the kid did and act like
everything's great? Honesty has served me this long,
and I will continue to do my best. I certainly
never hid the bad times in relationships, and
I will try to do the same as a parent. Time will
tell...
...but for today
I'm gonna be the annoying parent that's excited about
a blurry picture of absolutely nothing.
What the fuck is
that? My mother asked me if it was poop. For those
that know the ultrasound world, the lady took 2
measurements that showed the baby at 8 Weeks 2 days
and 8 weeks 6 days. The gestational ages is 9 weeks 2
days (not sure why it says 7-5 in the pic) and all
signs are pointing to smack dab on my birthday week.
Crazy.
Another endearing
moment for me in the video is Talya getting choked up.
Granted, the hormones are in overdrive, but for
someone who had pent up so much emotion because of her
past, it warms my heart to see her finally let go.
We're so happy it's disgusting. We both feel so lucky,
so blessed and so thankful to have found each other so
randomly... we can barely contain it. A friend of mine
warned me that it's not like the movies. Pregnancy is
constant fights and pulls most couples apart. There's
no longing looks of love while giggling about the baby
inside her. That's just what you think it should be
because movies paint that picture.
Uhm. Ok. Then you
probably aren't going to want to read The Journey for
a few months. Talya is so sick she can barely get out
of bed and has been for over a month... but there's
nothing but love between us. Yes, last month
I did break a remote control because of Donna
flashbacks, but that's my own private hell after years
of abuse from that situation. No, the truth is, Talya
and I are that disgusting couple that hug and kiss
constantly and are happy every single moment. We sit
and cry about how close we came to not meeting each
other. How different our lives would be, how much we
appreciate every second... and we are absolutely
closer every day that baby grows. I am so sorry that
anyone else has experienced anything different than
this. Everyone should get to feel this once in their
lives.
And although
I promise not to do the normal parent thing on
this vlog, I'm damn sure not gonna tone down the
lovey-dovey stuff with Talya. Everyone needs to hear
it, see it, and understand that it does exist. If you
know yourself well enough, and are honest with your
partner... you can find a match like this. Avoid the
honeymoon period where you never talk about the hard
issues and ignore the baggage. Go
RIGHT TO the baggage and do your best to
tear down the connection immediately. Then, at least
you know. Talya and I did that. All my baggage is
FRONT AND CENTER. Be painfully honest at the
beginning and you just might find a match so boringly
easy everyone else will think you're lying. It's a
beautiful feeling...
...as is a blurry
video that some lady says is your kid. :-)
Adam
PS - Married on
1200, Pregnant on 1210, First Video on 1220?
Jesus.
