So Talya's father
was able to nab another set visit (General Hospital
last year) and as I state in the video,
I just feel it's irresponsible to not go and try
and drop off my blu-ray to someone within that crew.
However, as you can imagine... it's excrutiating to
me. However to Talya's father? It's the greatest day
of his life. I guess to an outsider, I understand
how cool it is. But wow. Just wow, it's not fun for
me. I finally had to leave after FOUR HOURS
and he ended up staying NINE.
So CSI: N'
Whyyyyyyy would I do this? It does a couple
things... first - it's an entry and an interesting
entry video. That's important to me. I do think of
readers/viewers and how much SUCK is on this site.
I could care less about "celebrity" and don't
seek it out... however many people outside of LA want
to see the Hollywood stuff and I'm glad I could
provide somethin' cool for 'em. As well? This site
keeps me accountable to the original purpose of
documenting everything starting even back in 1999:
making it in this industry. Yes, for the last year
I have focused on my own happiness, but it isn't
lost on me how much I'm underachieving. And no, an
internet video at close to 100,000 views is not an
achievement for a guy who was in front of 3 million
every week for over a year. I belong on one of these
sets doing SOMETHING. What that is however, is
beyond me...
I was able to give
my blu-ray (documentary: The Journey from 1 to
1000) to Trey Calloway, a writer and producer on the
show. He is part of another community with connections
to Talya's family as he has children at the school
Talya's mother teaches at and Talya tutors at. As
always, I really just want an insider's view on
the story. I don't know where it leads, I don't know
have the direction I need - and as was the case early
on in The Journey once someone with any sort of
knowledge gave me direction? I ran and did well. When
everything crumbled however? I'm left with that same
lack of direction or carrot to run towards. I can
create and produce like a mofo, but I just need a
focus. Hopefully Trey can provide that.
Now, this Sunday
was supposed to be the SAG Awards with Talya's
father. Sitting in the bleachers and gawking at the
celebrities walking in. After this set visit though?
I... I just can't. Delusional or not, I feel I
belong on that carpet and being a "tourist" in that
situation? Is revolting. Just as revolting going to
the sets, but at least with the sets I can actually
meet people. Then again, last year Talya's father made
Christian Bale come over and he tried to hand him
Talya's headshot and resume. I shit you not. Batman
knows who Talya is and that her father is remarkably
out of touch with how the industry works. Just, wow.
Embarrassment x94809374. I just can't do it.
I will do the Community set visit, but
I just cannot participate in the bleacher scene.
Even though the video would be wonderful for those
reading. I can't. It just hurts too damn
much.
But you know what
the good news is? It hurts. Again, it hurts. I feel
that depression, that turns into anger, that turns
into scheming, that turns into results. I had let that
go for a year while I basked in the glow of
happiness. That isn't going anywhere and now
I can focus on achieving again. Thank you Talya
and yes, thank you Allan for inviting me to these set
visits. Enjoy the SAG awards on Sunday. I will be
doing fucking ANYTHING but watching them.
