10:07 PM, Saturday, December 31st, 2011:
If every year of The Journey is a chapter, this was easily, without a doubt, not even close... the happiest from beginning to end ever. This was nearly 100% about how happy I was all year with a few little dramas from the outside world thrown in... almost for intrigue. It's boring how happy I was this year. And the fact that it came after the hardest year of my life? Is just poetic. No other way to put it. 2011 was everything I needed... and it really almost never happened.
The day before Talya and I made it official on December 28th, I wrote a depressing entry about being completely lost. I was self-centered in my own world, taking stock of a HORRENDOUS year, and knowing I had no direction. And then, suddenly, I looked at Talya and said: I'm done being sad. And I gave up everything. Every dream, every scheme, I just decided to follow what felt good (believe it or not, I rarely do that) and what felt good was focusing on someone else. I just left all the bad shit behind because it really was bad. It wasn't just my attitude, no, 2010 was so bad you just had to let it go. And the wonder of someone looking back at you and NOT seeing a broken mess? Oh that was intoxicating... and BOOM 2011 began.
As the days passed we became more and more enamored with each other and just how easy everything is. I remember saying to her "well, real life hasn't happened yet..." and thennnnnnnnnnnnnn the pregnancy scare. For about 10 days at the beginning of February we were certain she was pregnant. Her mother knew and a what happened surprised the hell out of me: everyone was cool. I was excited, Talya was excited... her mother was excited. We started making decisions, started accepting it and no one was upset... we were all freaking THRILLED. I couldn't believe it. As I've said to people since - pregnancy scares make or break your relationship. They really do. 'Cause there's no turning back. You see what everyone is made of right at that moment.
It was all handled so well that I realized this was who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I finally felt like I was home. I had family around me as well... it was an absolute dream for me. The irony, is it was the same situation that essentially broke up me and Jess. A pregnancy scare leading to Jess realizing she wasn't home, and me realizing if we actually had a kid... she would want to go back. Within 6 months we split up specifically to avoid that scenario. Again, nothing brings a relationship to a head faster than a pregnancy scare.
And then May came along and massive life changes dominated our peaceful "floating". Get a load of this...
Talya's ex finally decides he "loves" her after never being able to say those words while he was actually with her. He's on her about being "friends" and joining the Landmark Forum. Annoyed, I write a pissy Beatles parody to "You're gonna lose that girl" letting him know that "You went and lost that girl". The same day I recorded "The Proposal Song". I had picked out the ring and was planning on proposing to Talya in June back in Ohio where I was premiering my documentary. One of Talya's friends critiques the "pissy" song as bad form, and when I reply (actually saying I was wrong to assume her friends had the same information about him that I did - I believe the man invented new horribly shitty things to say to a woman) all hell breaks loose. "I'll be there when he divorces you like all the others..." Caddy line after caddy line... and in the midst of all of it? Talya's mother leaves her father. 100% of our focus and energy is on this extremely traumatic event and her "friend" just can't understand why we don't want to play in her hurtful drama. She's makes an ultimatum to a girlfriend to choose her or her man and is surprised the girl picks... her MOM? It was so bizarre we had to giggle. We were focusing on her family! We weren't even drawing a line with the friend, we were simply asking her to give us some fucking space while we deal with the explosion of our immediate family as well as our trip to Ohio, the proposal, editing my documentary... but as we all learn from moments like this, narcissistic people want it to be about them every, single, moment. They dominate the conversation from beginning to end and in situations where they feel wronged? They scratch and claw without any consideration of someone else's feelings. She proved it over and over... hell and she continues to today. Nothing like writing a final blog of the year and never mentioning your husband. I'm the controlling narcissistic one? At least the NBA is back on TV for him. Jesus.
The proposal went incredibly, the summer was spent focusing on wedding plans and spending time with Talya's mother during an incredibly difficult time. It sure was nice to focus on the wedding. Talya started her own blog as she noticed herself going from a "Doormat" to a "Doorway" (getting walked on by abusive people or choosing to allow someone in or out of your house). Her change in demeanor this year was absolutely breathtaking. Every single one of her friends and family saw it. So proud of her. She and her mother for that matter seemed to really stand up for themselves. Cut off from the bullies. Make your own choices. Choose peace. Choose smiles. Life is so goddamn easy if we want it to be. It will have hard times, but there's no need to add people to your life that add drama. That manipulate you and tell you where to go, what to do, how to feel, who to love. The moment you cut them out? It's almost like a drug. You can't believe the freedom to be happy that you have when you take away the people that tell you how broken you are. What an incredible year.
Got a new tenant in the guesthouse, took a trip to Vegas to hang out with my first wife and her beau and generally just enjoyed every single second. Heh, every time I talk about Jess or Burg I think about the drama queen telling me that it's all a smoke screen. That these really were tattered relationships with women I left in the dust. Seems ironic that those women are better friends to Talya than she was. Perspective is incredible. What an incredibly fortunate man I am.
Career-wise I had a mini-viral hit with "You're a Mean One, Newt Gingrich" that garnered 65,000 new viewers and hopefully a pathway to more exposure in this new year. 65k is nice, but when you were on TV in front of 3 million each week for a year... you just really, really want to find your way back to that. Hopefully that video is a start. And right before the wedding I connected with Gary Helsinger's new company and a seemingly unending stream of work with at this production company. I just can't wait to start the new year!
And of course the wedding. Let's pick up where we left off...
Now do you see why I couldn't bring myself to try and top that for a yearend video? Clearly that's it. That is exactly what 2011 was. A love story all year. What a beautiful ride. Picture time...
Since "formal picture" time was set for 2-4:30 and he never showed, everyone got kinda screwed. After doing a couple with just our parents I looked at the time and realized we just had to get everybody into one big picture and I'd do some photoshopping later.
The rest of the night, there's just a ton of pictures and I couldn't possibly post them all here. I uploaded 200 to Facebook the following day so feel free to peruse those if you'd like. Here I'm just gonna post a few standouts.
Waiting to get announced for our first dance... and onto one of my favorite pictures of the night:
Man you can't fake that kind of joy. I was mentioning to Talya earlier that part of what was so emotional about editing the ceremony and making these entries was that I was watching this guy I had been following for 12 years. That's still how it feels editing all of this together. It's just a character that looks kinda like me after awhile. I'm putting together a picture book and my heart really pulls for him that he'll make it and be happy. It's almost a completely separate feeling than my own personal feelings. Watching the videos and seeing the picture? It turns into Journey Adam. So from outside of myself as a viewer? Look at that pic. Whew. Just so happy for those people.
You may recognize this from the video when explaining to the crowd why we chose a Wednesday. I think what I love most about how I come off during this day is that every frame is happy/funny/sweet. I'm having the time of my life and I'm feeding off the love and support of everyone around us. It really was the greatest night of my life.
There are just too many pictures. I'm trying to use ones I didn't use in the video, but even then there's too many. LOL. I just want to show everything to everyone! I want to share every moment so badly. I. AM SO. HAPPY.
Several of you have to be wondering how my family felt about everything considering my past. It's one thing for a new group of people to be happy for you... but after what my family saw me go through - were they in the "here we go again" camp?
<smile> They all felt how different this was. It's not that they weren't supportive of my past relationships before, but they could certainly sense the stress from the new family. It's remarkable how much support means to a relationship. In fact, that kind of brings this entire year around full circle.
I kind of mentioned it in #1199. Those moments that seem so horrible? They actually change your life for the better. Had the Mayflower Drama Queen not hurt us as bad as she did? We wouldn't have been so sensitive to how people felt about us. What started as obvious (that we were a great couple) was tested and SLAMMED. And now, when people say things like "you are the sweetest couple..." it means the world to us. A picture like the one above of everyone so genuinely happy for us? Brings me and Talya to tears. We are so much more appreciative of love and support because someone came in and hurled insult after insult on us and tried to convince us that we were some sort of sham. Clearly the person is unhappy with their own life, but when anyone does that to you so strongly? It does effect you. But the real lesson here is? You should let it. Because when you really process those feelings? You're better able to appreciate the truly wonderful things in your life. It's pretty beautiful how life works when you allow yourself to feel.
There are a ton more pictures, but as I said - that's what Facebook is for. Thank you 2011 for renewing my faith in EVERYTHING. It will be my goal the rest of my life to live each year like 2011. And to those skimming through my journal, I really hope you felt all the wonderful emotions we felt during this year. You may be going through a tough time right now but try not to sell that short. It's just another chapter in your book. So keep reading.
Happy New Year,
Adam & Talya