I wonder if this
will be my life. Random reminders of a 5 year period
from 2005-2010 that was unbelieveably chaotic,
exciting, ambitious... and will always be bittersweet
in hindsight. It surprisingly doesn't hurt that much
(which is in itself a sign that it's reallyover), but
it's still kinda depressing and annoying. Talya
understands that as she struggled in the industry. Her
father however, doesn't.
At all.
And no matter how
many times she has told him she'd done with the
industry, he plays to the beat of his own drummer. And
unfortunately, I fell into the trap which
inadvertently humiliated Talya, yet again. When will
we learn.
So Talya's father
often buys "set visits" to TV shows at silent
auctions as he's enamored with all things showbiz and
wanted desperately for Talya to become a famous
actress. He talks about it often, which as you can
imagine, grows difficult for an ex-actress who has
accepted she didn't make it and has moved on.
I have confronted him numerous times to let it
go, her mother has done the same... and obviously
Talya has said it ad infinitum for nearly a year now.
The last few months it seemed as though he had let it
be. Mainly because he told both of us that he
had, several times. Though it's funny, even in
bringing up that he wasn't bringing it up... it felt
like he was bringing it up. LMAO. So when he mentioned
a set visit to General Hospital, I figured why not.
When you buy this VIP tour, The Casting Director, Mark
Teschner, takes out an hour of his day and gives you a
tour of everything at the studio and for outsiders
it's gotta be pretty cool. For anyone who has worked
IN the industry however, walking around a set is
a second by second reminder of what I used to do,
what I want to do again, and what I'm not doing now.
It's a massive slap in the face, repeatedly. However,
I am trying to get this documentary into the right
hands and I never turn down an opportunity. Ever.
And even though Talya had no horse in the race, she
wanted to spend time with me and support her dad's
hobby, so she came along.
Things started out
quite well. Mark was actually a breath of fresh air to
me. He genuinely loves what he does. After 22
years on the show, tons of Emmys and awards... he's
still excited about reading a new actor or actress and
knows he's got a gift to spot the star. As he
mentioned to us about that process, within a few
seconds of reading someone he knows. And his career
shows that for sure. Now I know that he was nice
specifically because someone donated good money
to a school/charity for this hour, but you could tell
it was a bit more than his obligation. His genuine joy
and appreciativeness of his position in life was
really, really nice to witness. This industry is full
of people that considerate it a job. It isn't.
It's a privilege that even if you have the talent? You
do not always get the opportunity. He knows that.
Talking with Laura after, she said his reputation is
indeed good and genuine throughout the industry. Nice
to hear.
Like clockwork,
Talya's father then mentioned Talya used to act and
you could see him desperately hoping she would take
that opening, burst into a scene in front of Mark,
have Mark throws his hands to the heavens and make her
a star, but alas, she did not. Mark quickly ended the
awkwardness by saying he understood how hard the
industry is, and you could tell he was a pro at
dealing with these "stage mom" situations -- just not
with a 27 year old woman. (sigh) The uncomfortableness
passed quickly as we made our way to the
elevators.
We went to makeup
and wardrobe and ran into actors and actresses on the
way there. Pretty, young, skinny people that are
always 20 pounds thinner than you think the smallest
human adult could be. We eventually made it to the set
and that's usually when it actually starts to hurt.
I'm a good sport, and immediately start reminding
myself that I'm happy, I love what I've done, I'm
still dabbling in things, and that I'm far happier
personally than I was when I was working on
these sets... but it's a constant attack. And since
this was a soap, I was instantly flooded with
memories of The Young & The Restless bit with The
Egos in 2007. Not the finished bit, but the moments
with the crew that no one ever sees. I miss that
camaraderie so much. I took some video on my iPhone of
me walking around the set thinking about it... ends up
being a good oppportunity to make those outtake
moments from the bit public...
Ha. Those are
crystals that Tyson is blowing into my eyes to
irritate them so I cry. Apparently a little
secret of the TV/Film world on how several actors cry
on cue. I actually can cry on cue if it's within a
scene with another person... but The Egos are such a
spoof I'm giggling and laughing the whole time. Some
actors actually can turn it on, at any moment, in
SECONDS. That shit is crazy. Kinda glad I'm not able
to do that. ;-)
So we head back to
Mark's office and Talya's father runs up and whispers
in Mark's ear before Talya and I got in. I hear
Mark say: "I don't think she wants to do that."
More whispers and Mark says, nervously: "Let's
not do that to her." When Talya and I get in the
room Mark has an uncomfortable smile and when Talya's
father turns around he looks at Talya and mouths:
"I'M SO SORRY". We later find out at lunch
what had transpired. Her father was asking Mark if he
"saw anything in her" and wanted her to "read a few
lines" for him in front of us. So remarkably
humiliating. Talya handled it pretty well, I was the
one who was having a difficult time biting my tongue.
Because had Talya actually wanted a shot? He would've
destroyed any chance she had by dominating the
conversation. Casting Directors are constantly looking
for quiet actors that show no interest but have a
parent acting desperate. Goddamned
GOLDMINE.
Heh.
So, uhm, awkward
day. I handed him a blu-ray at the end, and again, the
man is remarkably genuine and cool... but come on -
he's not watching my movie. His time is waaaaaaaaaay
to valuable. There's a great essay by an industry
writer called "No I won't read your fucking
script" (google it). He explains that he has a pile of
scripts he has to read for work and a pile of scripts
from personal friends or family he has to read because
he promised them he would. When he reads one pile he
feels guilty that he's not reading the other pile...
so guess where YOU fit into that? Nowhere. Stop asking
and go through the proper channels. It's a wonder
I even gave my blu-ray to him honestly. But I'm
completely aware the chances are 1 in 100,000
as opposed to 1 in a billion he'll watch it if I
hadn't given it to him and he, say, found it on the
GROUND. The best way I could get him to watch
that? Honestly? Is to have someone else in his life
mention my name to him, or if he saw me on his own
stumblings around the internet and realized "hey! I
have his movie here..." But without that? I have no
expectations because again, his time is really, really
valuable. But when life hands you a moment like that,
you make the most of it. For me? It's a Journey Video,
a Journey Entry, and a blu-ray hand-off. I'm
incredibly pissed that I didn't forsee how painful it
was gonna be for Talya. Lesson learned. That will
never happen again.
K, just rearead
the entire entry. Uhm. Not really the tone you want to
give off to a new family member the month before you
enter the family, especially not publically. Hmmm.
Does this need to be locked? Rereading
again...
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeesus
this is frustrating. Herein lies the irony: this entry
only looks bad if you have the ability to consider
someone else's feelings. Oh for fuck's sake Adam,
don't say that. Damnit, what I mean is... he
doesn't believe anything was wrong. Felt we had a
wonderful time and even asked 3 or 4 times after she
said no if she wanted to go with him on the
"Community" set visit. Even that proves
the point. He just plays to the beat of his own
drummer. It's like he constantly has an iPod of
country karaoke music in his ears even if he's at a
concert. Just singing away. So anything I just
described, he would completely agree with. He just
doesn't understand why it embarrasses Talya or even
MARK for that matter.
This may go
through varying stages of being open and being locked.
I don't know. Again, this only seems like a big deal
to me and Talya because it hurts me when she's hurt,
and she's hurt. So... <throws hands up> it's a
touchy situation. But it also may be a big contact for
"The Journey" and it's the most unbiased account of
what occurred as you can get.
You're reading
this, so, there you go. I'll let you know how the
"Community" set visit goes. Please let it be
uneventful. I mean, if I meet Chevy Chase and her
father embarrasses the fuck out of me DURING the
meeting... I can't NOT REPORT that. You
know? It was like when I video taped The Monkees
fan I was friends with a couple months ago. He
made himself look like the biggest asshole EVER and it
was the only video I had! I kinda had to
post it. So please, please just let everything be
cool. I figure without Talya there, it will
be.
