6:21 PM, Monday, November 8th, 2011:
I wonder if this will be my life. Random reminders of a 5 year period from 2005-2010 that was unbelieveably chaotic, exciting, ambitious... and will always be bittersweet in hindsight. It surprisingly doesn't hurt that much (which is in itself a sign that it's reallyover), but it's still kinda depressing and annoying. Talya understands that as she struggled in the industry. Her father however, doesn't.
At all.
And no matter how many times she has told him she'd done with the industry, he plays to the beat of his own drummer. And unfortunately, I fell into the trap which inadvertently humiliated Talya, yet again. When will we learn.
So Talya's father often buys "set visits" to TV shows at silent auctions as he's enamored with all things showbiz and wanted desperately for Talya to become a famous actress. He talks about it often, which as you can imagine, grows difficult for an ex-actress who has accepted she didn't make it and has moved on. I have confronted him numerous times to let it go, her mother has done the same... and obviously Talya has said it ad infinitum for nearly a year now. The last few months it seemed as though he had let it be. Mainly because he told both of us that he had, several times. Though it's funny, even in bringing up that he wasn't bringing it up... it felt like he was bringing it up. LMAO. So when he mentioned a set visit to General Hospital, I figured why not. When you buy this VIP tour, The Casting Director, Mark Teschner, takes out an hour of his day and gives you a tour of everything at the studio and for outsiders it's gotta be pretty cool. For anyone who has worked IN the industry however, walking around a set is a second by second reminder of what I used to do, what I want to do again, and what I'm not doing now. It's a massive slap in the face, repeatedly. However, I am trying to get this documentary into the right hands and I never turn down an opportunity. Ever. And even though Talya had no horse in the race, she wanted to spend time with me and support her dad's hobby, so she came along.
Things started out quite well. Mark was actually a breath of fresh air to me. He genuinely loves what he does. After 22 years on the show, tons of Emmys and awards... he's still excited about reading a new actor or actress and knows he's got a gift to spot the star. As he mentioned to us about that process, within a few seconds of reading someone he knows. And his career shows that for sure. Now I know that he was nice specifically because someone donated good money to a school/charity for this hour, but you could tell it was a bit more than his obligation. His genuine joy and appreciativeness of his position in life was really, really nice to witness. This industry is full of people that considerate it a job. It isn't. It's a privilege that even if you have the talent? You do not always get the opportunity. He knows that. Talking with Laura after, she said his reputation is indeed good and genuine throughout the industry. Nice to hear.
Like clockwork, Talya's father then mentioned Talya used to act and you could see him desperately hoping she would take that opening, burst into a scene in front of Mark, have Mark throws his hands to the heavens and make her a star, but alas, she did not. Mark quickly ended the awkwardness by saying he understood how hard the industry is, and you could tell he was a pro at dealing with these "stage mom" situations -- just not with a 27 year old woman. (sigh) The uncomfortableness passed quickly as we made our way to the elevators.
We went to makeup and wardrobe and ran into actors and actresses on the way there. Pretty, young, skinny people that are always 20 pounds thinner than you think the smallest human adult could be. We eventually made it to the set and that's usually when it actually starts to hurt. I'm a good sport, and immediately start reminding myself that I'm happy, I love what I've done, I'm still dabbling in things, and that I'm far happier personally than I was when I was working on these sets... but it's a constant attack. And since this was a soap, I was instantly flooded with memories of The Young & The Restless bit with The Egos in 2007. Not the finished bit, but the moments with the crew that no one ever sees. I miss that camaraderie so much. I took some video on my iPhone of me walking around the set thinking about it... ends up being a good oppportunity to make those outtake moments from the bit public...
Ha. Those are crystals that Tyson is blowing into my eyes to irritate them so I cry. Apparently a little secret of the TV/Film world on how several actors cry on cue. I actually can cry on cue if it's within a scene with another person... but The Egos are such a spoof I'm giggling and laughing the whole time. Some actors actually can turn it on, at any moment, in SECONDS. That shit is crazy. Kinda glad I'm not able to do that. ;-)
So we head back to Mark's office and Talya's father runs up and whispers in Mark's ear before Talya and I got in. I hear Mark say:  "I don't think she wants to do that." More whispers and Mark says, nervously:  "Let's not do that to her." When Talya and I get in the room Mark has an uncomfortable smile and when Talya's father turns around he looks at Talya and mouths: "I'M SO SORRY". We later find out at lunch what had transpired. Her father was asking Mark if he "saw anything in her" and wanted her to "read a few lines" for him in front of us. So remarkably humiliating. Talya handled it pretty well, I was the one who was having a difficult time biting my tongue. Because had Talya actually wanted a shot? He would've destroyed any chance she had by dominating the conversation. Casting Directors are constantly looking for quiet actors that show no interest but have a parent acting desperate. Goddamned GOLDMINE.
So, uhm, awkward day. I handed him a blu-ray at the end, and again, the man is remarkably genuine and cool... but come on - he's not watching my movie. His time is waaaaaaaaaay to valuable. There's a great essay by an industry writer called "No I won't read your fucking script" (google it). He explains that he has a pile of scripts he has to read for work and a pile of scripts from personal friends or family he has to read because he promised them he would. When he reads one pile he feels guilty that he's not reading the other pile... so guess where YOU fit into that? Nowhere. Stop asking and go through the proper channels. It's a wonder I even gave my blu-ray to him honestly. But I'm completely aware the chances are 1 in 100,000 as opposed to 1 in a billion he'll watch it if I hadn't given it to him and he, say, found it on the GROUND. The best way I could get him to watch that? Honestly? Is to have someone else in his life mention my name to him, or if he saw me on his own stumblings around the internet and realized "hey! I have his movie here..." But without that? I have no expectations because again, his time is really, really valuable. But when life hands you a moment like that, you make the most of it. For me? It's a Journey Video, a Journey Entry, and a blu-ray hand-off. I'm incredibly pissed that I didn't forsee how painful it was gonna be for Talya. Lesson learned. That will never happen again.
K, just rearead the entire entry. Uhm. Not really the tone you want to give off to a new family member the month before you enter the family, especially not publically. Hmmm. Does this need to be locked? Rereading again...
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeesus this is frustrating. Herein lies the irony: this entry only looks bad if you have the ability to consider someone else's feelings. Oh for fuck's sake Adam, don't say that. Damnit, what I mean is... he doesn't believe anything was wrong. Felt we had a wonderful time and even asked 3 or 4 times after she said no if she wanted to go with him on the "Community" set visit. Even that proves the point. He just plays to the beat of his own drummer. It's like he constantly has an iPod of country karaoke music in his ears even if he's at a concert. Just singing away. So anything I just described, he would completely agree with. He just doesn't understand why it embarrasses Talya or even MARK for that matter.
This may go through varying stages of being open and being locked. I don't know. Again, this only seems like a big deal to me and Talya because it hurts me when she's hurt, and she's hurt. So... <throws hands up> it's a touchy situation. But it also may be a big contact for "The Journey" and it's the most unbiased account of what occurred as you can get.
You're reading this, so, there you go. I'll let you know how the "Community" set visit goes. Please let it be uneventful. I mean, if I meet Chevy Chase and her father embarrasses the fuck out of me DURING the meeting... I can't NOT REPORT that. You know? It was like when I video taped The Monkees fan I was friends with a couple months ago. He made himself look like the biggest asshole EVER and it was the only video I had! I kinda had to post it. So please, please just let everything be cool. I figure without Talya there, it will be.