11:21 PM, Sunday, October 30th, 2011:
I would be so fucking sick of reading me if this was 2010. This is what I'd say:
"Hey, future Adam, WE GET IT. You are happy with your relationship. You guys are a great couple. However if you keep fucking telling us we're gonna start thinking you secretly hate each other and are both gay trying to pretend you're in a happy relationship. 'Cause this shit can't be real. Enough."
And I assume many of you are thinking that, so I figured let's just get that out of the way. Alright, out of the way? 'Cause I have to document this day.
Talya hates her BMW. It's 10 years old, it's about a MILLION times gawdier than her and she desperately wants to sell it. As well it has just passed 90,000 miles and even though it's in impeccable condition (seriously, this mofo was so well cared for it actually hurts my head a little), it has hit the "danger zone" for all cars. You're gonna be putting some money into it and if you don't love the car it REALLY makes that fact annoying. Whereas I'm happy to put money into my 1999 Camry (mostly because you hardly ever HAVE TO), she doesn't want to keep this so any dime is uber-annoying...
...so the alternator going out on the winding downhill stretch of Topanga Canyon should be cause for some serious annoyance. Being on your way to a wedding you're already a little late to and then having to walk over a mile to get there on a road with no shoulder should also be a moment for stress, anger... all of that.
Except it just never is with us. It was an adventure. I think we actually said "Yay! An adventure!". Because every single day that we get to spend doing something we haven't done before is a happy moment to us. Granted, it is the "honeymoon" period for us, and soon routines will take over, but this is quite different. I mean, watch the video. Does this seem normal for the scenario I described?
This is (and will be even after the $500 bill we're sure to have tomorrow) a happy memory. The video really stood out to me because I was able to capture what I've been trying to describe for so many months. The world outside of us can be swirling with negativity. Bad, stress, anger, disappointment, sadness... but we're cool. Just floating downstream. It's such an incredible foundation to take on the rest of the world with. It's why I still believe something is gonna happen in the industry even without me killing myself to make it happen anymore.
I read a blog that asked why people thought happiness was a constant state when all other emotions are temporary. I felt bad for the author because it was clear they equated happiness with the emotion of "glee" or "joy" as opposed to a state of being that honestly never does go away when you're a self-aware person. It's not the fake "positivity" that people try to brainwash themselves into believing they have, it's knowing yourself so well that you're centered. You have the appropriate weight attributed to the things you can and cannot control and you actually have the wisdom to know the difference. When you can do that? Happiness is always in your hands. You can be down about your career, have fulxuating moods, etc... but at your core? You're happy. All the outside drama becomes a spicy chapter in your life. A lesson Talya and I learned early on when two of her friends went goddamn nuclear on us while we were trying to deal with very real, serious family issues. They tainted my proposal, tainted our "glee", but our happiness? Nothing on the outside can truly destroy your happiness. Those two "friends" not only showed us how strong we were, they showed Talya just how strong she had become. They put a light on how she used to be when she was in an abusive relationship with someone that constantly made her feel "less than". Now that she feels equal? She is a bright light that burned a friggin' hole in people in her life that liked her a lot better when she was submissive to them. The more aware Talya became, the more toxic they appeared. An amazing transition...
...that brings us to another one of life's headaches becoming an amusement park for us. I had never seen this part of Topanga Canyon by foot. Usually speeding past everything focusing on the beach ahead. Great adventure, and a chapter in "The Journey" that never would've happened if not for that damned car we're both so annoyed with.
Bottom line is, you don't have to read a book to find happiness - you just have to know yourself and surround yourself with others who know your demons and accept you anyway. As I say in the movie, "flaunt your flaws" - 'cause nothing is more you than your mistakes and when you flaunt your weaknesses you don't have to live up to some ideal that you wanted to convey. You simply have to relax and float downstream and the right people (for you) will come along. Then suddenly everyday will be an Advenutreland for you too.