I remember it so
vividly. 2003. I was 27 years old working at
"Doc's" running her chiropractic office. Thinking
about it now, I really dig that type of gig. Same
thing I had a couple years ago at the marketing
company... kinda doin' a little bit of everything
making the company run smooth. A multi-tasker's dream.
What was the point? Oh yeah...
So there was a guy
in the waiting room waiting to pick up his wife and
young daughter who were in with the doctor.
I knew the family from working there and
I remember watching him and seeing my future. He
and his wife were in the industry, still trying. It
occurred to me then that it was a little pathetic at
"their age" to keep trying to do the same thing for
15+ years. He was a good looking guy, but looked a bit
too old to still be "scheming". I asked his age
and he said "36". I remember thinking, yeah - that's
when I call it. At 27, without children I still had
time... at 36? It's over. My life will be my
kids.
And here we are.
It's stunning to
me that I'm here, but there's a few
caveats...
-I don't
have children. A fact that is stunning.
I wanted kids at 19 so to be pushing 40 and
not have them blows my mind.
-I actually
look and feel better than I did at 27. As arrogant
as it feels to even type this, I think I may
be one of those guys that peaks in his late 30s and
doesn't hit "the wall" until his late 40s.
I've kept my weight down and this time of my life
actually suits my features better.
-My age is
actually a strength for what is clearly a life of
story-telling.
-I am
absolutely in LA for good, a fact that was
WAY up in the air in 2003.
All of that
explains why I'm mellow, I'm happy and I am embracing
every facet of life. Jess called me tonight and was
noticeably surprised that I was taking "36" as
well as I was. The Adam she knew would be far
more neurotic about it. 25 to that Adam fucked him up
for days. And the truth is? It should have.
I had FAR greater goals and at that point? I
hadn't achieved them. Now? I've done some incredible
things and I've gone about as far as I can go,
alone. I didn't get to CBS and rest,
I got there and PUSHED. What I ended up
producing impressed my harshest critic (me) and
I absolutely wish I had better
representation. Not a better person mind you,
just someone with the right contacts to turn those
moments into something. I was too busy producing
it all to knock down those doors and she simply
couldn't. SUCKS. May be the big "What-if" of my
life...
...but it's one
helluva story. Seriously, watching that documentary?
How close I was? The things I've been through? So
glad I documented it because it's an incredible
story. My life is an incredible story and
I continue to try and live it as such. Which of
course brings me to Talya. I mean, duh, of course
she is the foundation of my happiness. My daily life
includes someone I adore, who adores me and we
compliment each others' existence beautifully. I'm
able to accept that BECAUSE of what I've been
through and BECAUSE of a strong understanding
of who I am. And as I've said during the times
when I was single, I believe some of my
best attributes come out when I'm able to focus on
others. I feel a balance when I can think outside
myself and focus on what someone else needs. Building
all this shit in my backyard is for us to spend
time. So much nicer than building the guesthouse in
'04 which meant divorce. Wow. How the hell did
I get through that?
So yeah, it was a
happy birthday. And what did I do?
It's my present
project and believe it or not? It's relaxing to
continue to work. It's difficult for me to leave
things unfinished even on my birthday. So today we got
some paint and I started what I will finish
tomorrow. We were also able to get a $500 patio set
for $199! HELL YES. End of season applies
in LA even when it can be used year-round. So
awesome. And doesn't that pergola look cool? Another
thank you to Burg & Aaron for allowing me to
totally steal their idea. It's the perfect solution to
an impossible backyard that is now a massive expansion
of living space. Giddy-Up.
Alright, randoms
this week. Got a bunch to say. Crazy
world.
