10:44 PM, Sunday, October 9th, 2011:
I remember it so vividly. 2003. I was 27 years old working at "Doc's" running her chiropractic office. Thinking about it now, I really dig that type of gig. Same thing I had a couple years ago at the marketing company... kinda doin' a little bit of everything making the company run smooth. A multi-tasker's dream. What was the point? Oh yeah...
So there was a guy in the waiting room waiting to pick up his wife and young daughter who were in with the doctor. I knew the family from working there and I remember watching him and seeing my future. He and his wife were in the industry, still trying. It occurred to me then that it was a little pathetic at "their age" to keep trying to do the same thing for 15+ years. He was a good looking guy, but looked a bit too old to still be "scheming". I asked his age and he said "36". I remember thinking, yeah - that's when I call it. At 27, without children I still had time... at 36? It's over. My life will be my kids.
And here we are.
It's stunning to me that I'm here, but there's a few caveats...
-I don't have children. A fact that is stunning. I wanted kids at 19 so to be pushing 40 and not have them blows my mind.
-I actually look and feel better than I did at 27. As arrogant as it feels to even type this, I think I may be one of those guys that peaks in his late 30s and doesn't hit "the wall" until his late 40s. I've kept my weight down and this time of my life actually suits my features better.
-My age is actually a strength for what is clearly a life of story-telling.
-I am absolutely in LA for good, a fact that was WAY up in the air in 2003.
All of that explains why I'm mellow, I'm happy and I am embracing every facet of life. Jess called me tonight and was noticeably surprised that I was taking "36" as well as I was. The Adam she knew would be far more neurotic about it. 25 to that Adam fucked him up for days. And the truth is? It should have. I had FAR greater goals and at that point? I hadn't achieved them. Now? I've done some incredible things and I've gone about as far as I can go, alone. I didn't get to CBS and rest, I got there and PUSHED. What I ended up producing impressed my harshest critic (me) and I absolutely wish I had better representation. Not a better person mind you, just someone with the right contacts to turn those moments into something. I was too busy producing it all to knock down those doors and she simply couldn't. SUCKS. May be the big "What-if" of my life...
...but it's one helluva story. Seriously, watching that documentary? How close I was? The things I've been through? So glad I documented it because it's an incredible story. My life is an incredible story and I continue to try and live it as such. Which of course brings me to Talya. I mean, duh, of course she is the foundation of my happiness. My daily life includes someone I adore, who adores me and we compliment each others' existence beautifully. I'm able to accept that BECAUSE of what I've been through and BECAUSE of a strong understanding of who I am. And as I've said during the times when I was single, I believe some of my best attributes come out when I'm able to focus on others. I feel a balance when I can think outside myself and focus on what someone else needs. Building all this shit in my backyard is for us to spend time. So much nicer than building the guesthouse in '04 which meant divorce. Wow. How the hell did I get through that?
So yeah, it was a happy birthday. And what did I do?
It's my present project and believe it or not? It's relaxing to continue to work. It's difficult for me to leave things unfinished even on my birthday. So today we got some paint and I started what I will finish tomorrow. We were also able to get a $500 patio set for $199! HELL YES. End of season applies in LA even when it can be used year-round. So awesome. And doesn't that pergola look cool? Another thank you to Burg & Aaron for allowing me to totally steal their idea. It's the perfect solution to an impossible backyard that is now a massive expansion of living space. Giddy-Up.
Alright, randoms this week. Got a bunch to say. Crazy world.