So I told Tyson
this entry's news and his first reaction was:
"DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT!" and
I giggled. He had just seen the documentary that is
100% predicated on the idea of sharing
everything so you know what it feels like. Who
cares if the whole thing crumbles? I'm buzzing now and
that's what I want to share. 'Cause
I haven't buzzed like this in years and
I completely believe that this news will start
the ball rolling on this documentary far beyond what I
thought before I had finished it.
Oh yeah, I
finished it.
100 hours folks.
The bulk of it had been done for 18 months, and it
STILL took 100 more hours (stuffed into a week) of
laboring to put that story together. More into just
what that entailed, I can't keep pre-emptying the
news.
Laura came over, a
casting director friend of mine, and watched it
yesterday morning. She has been a champion of mine for
going on 3 years and I was still a little surprised at
just how much she liked it. In telling her previously
about the concept (going back ten years and telling
myself the whole journey) she had mentioned HBO. They
tend to air interesting documentaries from time to
time. I agreed, that it fell along those lines, but
she needed to see it before she could put anything
into motion.
Well, if you
thought she was a champion before, she seems all but
determined that this is the angle to jump start
everything. She's setting up a meeting with the head
of casting at HBO and she assures me she will watch it
and it will go to the right people. All you can ask.
What they do with it, is anyone's guess, but we both
believe it could be bought as-is and broadcast. It
honestly turned out that good. I say that with a bit
of surprise myself because I really had my doubts.
This is the type of break a filmmaker dreams of.
Knowing it will be watched and truly assessed. And as
well? It takes no imagination on anyone's part. It is
a complete, finished project that actually works as a
movie. So why did I have doubts?
First of all, the
concept is big budget, and the execution was no
budget. Going back in time, back INTO the first entry
and grabbing that dude, taking him to a room and
showing him all ten years? Those are some intense
logistics considering everyone can look at the video
from that time and see the differences. To boot, Jess,
Marty and I shot it completely guerilla style,
sneaking around hotels and had no business being able
to pull off what we did. Then? The shots of 2000 and
2010 Adam sitting there watching it and trying to have
those conversations during the movie? I ad-libbed them
all. Stupid. When you're doing split screen you can't
really ad-ilb, but I felt comfortable enough with my
timing that I thought I could do it, and I really
didn't want to script this. I wanted to gear up with
some whiskey as 2010 Adam and face my demons with a
guy from 2000 I knew would be angry with me. And then
immediately turn around 5 minutes later (with a little
more whiskey) and just become 2000. So, so, so
painful. I shave my goatee and put on the same
clothes? I'm there. And once you're there? Watching
The Journey is devastating.
Then? The ending.
Which way does Adam go the following morning with all
this information? Heartbreaking to shoot and we had to
shoot multiple endings because I was so fucking
conflicted. Then the actual timeline of putting all
this together:
December 2009 -
the majority of the story is edited for the show in
Columbus the following month. A week
later...
January 2010 -
scenes with Jess and Marty shot. 7 months
later...
August 2010 - the
2000 and 2010 Adam scenes filmed. And finally 10 more
months later...
June 2011, I put
it all together. Why so long?
CAUSE IT FUCKING
SUCKS TO BE REMINDED OF YOUR FAILURES.
Now do you see why
this most recent drama hit so close to home? You're
being called name after name, your failures thrown in
your face directly to a new love in your life. you
already know by even attempting this project youre
going to be defending what people assume is at the
very least extreme narcissism. And how hate fuck do
you defend thinking your life should be a movie when
no one else does? Talk about ego. Who the fuck does
that? So to understand this, and to try and explain
why this feels like the opposite of narcissism, you
have to understand how I tick:
If it hasn't been
done before? My ears perk up. "I bet I can do it" is
the first thing that pops in my head. 'Cause honestly?
My life has been defined by doing what people told me
I couldn't. Talk radio at 19, 4tvs - a show with 5 of
the same guy, interacting live onstage with himself...
I've been successful at doing things people haven't
before, and it's kind of addicting. Had I flopped on
WTVN? We wouldn't be having this conversation. I guess
that may be debatable as I've proven failure doesn't
deter me... but so much of my self-confidence came
from that early success. Who knows. I don't say this
to toot my own horn, I'm honestly trying to explain
why I continue to bash my head on the rocks. This is
just what's in me. And yes, it's kinda
nuts.
The thing with
this project though, is it's actually a bit more
ballsy than the site. The site, or even my music, is
passive. People can choose not to read or listen or
even view the videos... but with a movie in a theater?
There's a bit of "I have something special you should
see" attitude to it and you are judged with the bar of
other feature length films. If you don't like my
YouTube video, look at what it's up against. Heh. Big
fuckin' deal. Even with shorts, everyone and their
brother puts short films together, a feature? That's a
commitment and people have serious, serious
expectations.
Now add in, that
it is a 100% chronicle of who i am. Whereas if I made
a movie about another subject, and someone didn't like
it... it's not really something you take personal? If
you watch this film, and don't like it, you do not
like me. Period. You must believe I am lying,
spinning, deceiving, arrogant and insincere. Our views
on life, love and the pursuit of happiness are so off
that we would be hard pressed to have a conversation.
That is an intense calling card to hand someone.
Whereas The Journey is so big that hardly anyone is
going to delve into the past too much, an edited
documentary of the whole thing? Whew. During the two
screenings I've had? I hit play for them and wanted to
drive to Nebraska. I've heard other directors talk
about this feeling of sharing your baby with the
audience, but it's just so amplified with this one.
Whew.
So it was with
this understanding that I put this together.
Completely aware that people that don't know me will
think I'm saying "look at how awesome I am!" when it
starts - when in fact I'm really just saying, "Can you
believe I actually captured these moments?". That is
what makes me so proud of this movie. It took well
over a decade, and every day of that decade. A
commitment to express how I felt at all times even
though I KNEW I would look bad later... and never take
it down. That is why no one has ever done this as long
as I have - it's really fucking hard. But because I
always showed the true emotions? It works. Even when I
thought I had Comedy Central in the bag and that
amazingly at 980 of 1000 the perfect ending to the
movie happened? When it didn't, I turned on the camera
and shared the fact that I was completely devastated.
Just as I had done the year before, and before, and
before.
What I believe
helps it keep its sincerity is that it was never meant
to be like this when it started. I was simply keeping
my radio listeners up to date with what was going on,
and since I was doing a video show instead of radio? I
attached video. And because i felt indebted to those
reading and watching to create more entries, I kept
doing it. After the humiliation of losing Aspen in
2001 however, it shifted and became what it is now.
That and of course the choice not to go back to Ohio
when Jess did.
And after 18
months of trying to piece together the narrative,
gulp, it works. As I said before, I am still a little
shocked that it does. As an outsider you really are
anxious to see what happens next, and the ending is a
bit of a 'hold your breath' moment. The time travel
angle is a great vehicle for what could really be a
boring film of just video blogs and voiceovers. I
really think I have something here.
Now, the potential
pitfalls to the success of this documentary: topics of
most documentaries have a "greater good" angle, or the
subject is super-famous. I'm a complete no-name and
you'd really have to stretch to find some "greater
good". Now realize, I'm saying this from an
executive's perspective and how they think about
marketing it... anyone who sees it will immediately
see the greater good because it forces you, point
blank, to think of the choices in your life. By being
so personal about mine, you have no choice but to do
the same. You're instantly confronted with your
"what-ifs" and at the end of the movie? You're spent.
That's the greater good, we all have those random
thoughts about the choices we've made and its
intriguing to see what one person would do if given
the chance to do it over. I think most people's
reaction after the movie will be to want to go be
alone for a little bit. The tone isn't sad (though
obviously parts are), it's just intense and it is a
massive mirror if you process it.
People seeing this
with an open mind however will have a greater
understanding to why my relationships process so
quickly. I may be the most open person on the planet
and if you choose to talk to me about those things? We
will quickly connect. 'Cause you're not meeting some
representative of myself that is trying to look
good... "I am woefully underachieving for my skill-set
and I've been divorced three times. And what do you
do?" is what you'll usually hear. I've had opening
dialogues like this and they turn into 8 hour phone
conversations and revelations from them of "I have
never told anybody that.". Not because I have some
gift like so many people proclaim about themselves who
get similar reactions from people, it's because I know
exactly who I am and I have absolutely no fear of
failure. That either scares the shit out of people and
they attack you relentlessly, or that's really
inspiring and they want to open up to you.
If things go well
with the meeting with HBO? We just may find out what a
wholllllllllllllle lot of people think.
Is there an
interstate to China?
Adam
PS - Might be the
longest I've gone without explaining the title. Ha. So
funny what sticks with you, but here goes: When
I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, a running joke
was: "Do you have HBO?" and whomever said yes
would get "Human Body Odor?!?!? EWWW" and run away
laughing. I guess it never left me, because every
single time someone says HBO? I say the words
"human body odor" to myself, before
I continue my thought process. <shrugs>
Alright, enjoy the trailer.
Premiering Sunday,
June 26th at Studio 35 in Columbus, Ohio. Matinee at
3:30. :) Jump on the Facebook page and let me know if
you can make it.
