The world really
is before and after the internet. Uprisings in the
middle east notwithstanding, this doomsday shit? This
has happened all the time - I remember hearing it
on the radio in the 80s, multiple times in the 90s and
it's always the same idiots, but throw in the
internet? It's suddenly mainstream news. This really
isn't a good thing. Filters are a good thing
when it comes to information and those are all gone.
So in about 4 hours the rapture begins...
...if only it were
that easy. Yes, I'd be a little bummed about things I
hadn't done yet - but it wouldn't really shake me to
my core. Why? What the fuck you gonna do? I don't
believe in Jesus. I don't think humans can even
conceive our own origins so I don't even care to
try. So if all this time I was wrong - I think my
only wonder would be: Jesus, why the hell did you make
me so intelligent? Couldn't you have knocked my
ability to process information down a few pegs so
I could've done your bidding?
It's kinda why the
whole thing is a catch-22. The idea of an all-knowing
being that makes us in his image and likeness... if
that were true why would we be able to spot holes in
religious dogma? Kinda defeats the whole purpose
doesn't it? There's a mellowness however when you
finally get to the point where you realize:
I have no fucking clue, and I just don't
care. You, in fact, let go of the need and just enjoy
the wonder of it all. The poor stressed bastards of
the world trying desperately to either figure it all
out or tell everyone else how to live (seriously
brother, ask her one more time to join Landmark - oh
and tell her now that you love her some more)
are sad, but the thing is? This May 21st Doomsday Cult
is no more crazy than most. At least they have a set
of balls. And goddamnit why can't I find any so
I can buy all their shit off them for pennies on
the dollar? Grrrr.
The reason
I bring this up is because of all the fear
surrounding this event. No, not fear of The Rapture,
but the actual need to debunk it. Watched a lady on TV
giggling about how goofy the whole thing was.
I was floatin' downstream with her while she was
talking in the background until she clarified herself:
"It's goofy because Jesus said clearly in the bible we
can't know the actual date."
(sigh)
Yes, that's why
it's crazy. Had that sentence not been in a book? Oh
watch the heavens. Thank the fuck Christ for that line
or whoo-boy, this would be it. Lady, you just defeated
idiot with moron. I hate to shit on people's
beliefs but this has little to do with spirituality
and faith, and everything to do with trying to "cover
your bases". Which is just 100% based in fear. That
need to "figure it all out" so you make the right
choice. Like we're all gonna get to the afterlife and
find out: "Damn, it was the Mormons! Why didn't
I read THAT BOOK!??!"
So I thought I'd
merge the end of the world, with the end of my
commercial acting career. Not that there ever was one,
but yesterday it finally hit me: done. I got called
for the first time in 2011 for an audition for Verizon
and it was like, really? Why am I even in your
system man? The agent is the one
"Palmolive" hooked me up with but it was all a
rouse. She knew a lot of casting directors and was
able to go through this agent to get me submitted all
in an effort for me to get a SAG card so
I could do theatrical stuff. I honestly barely
gave a shit back in October but wasn't getting in her
way. She seemed gung ho that she could do it, and I
followed her lead. Of course we all know how that
turned out. Once she dropped out, everything dropped
out. But for some reason I'm still in the system and
got a random call...
...when it
occurred to me - I am not that self-centered dude
anymore. Not even a little bit. I gave it a good
run, but I can't keep it up. Do you know the only
reason I want to work out and stay thin? So
I can play basketball with my future kid. That's
it. I'm done walking into auditions and seeing
underweight men ready to suck-off the cameraman so
they can play Employee #2 in a Verizon commercial.
Now, understand, I've never been that guy in the
(seriously count them on one hand) auditions I've been
on because I'm not really an actor. I'm a creator and
exposure is always good - and I'm just never one to
turn away an opportunity. But I'm done following every
lead. Just like I finally decided NOT to do
"The X Factor", I am deciding NOT to go on commercial
auditions anymore. And, it actually went really well.
I enjoy the process and interacting with other
people and have always done well, getting callbacks
whatnot but I'm just done wasting my time. It's clear
that "The Journey" is my uniquity, it's clear my best
chance at making some more rumblings is with this
documentary and I want to EMBRACE hitting 40, not be
worried about how the bags under my eyes look and if
I can still play 30. I don't want to color the
grey out of my chin... ever. Those are grey hairs of
wisdom and experience that I have EARNED. I love
what I've done, and what I've accomplished and
I hate that this town only values the naive. No
more. So here's a shot of the last audition room mixed
with a band that was playing on the 3rd Street
Promenade which is where Talya and I hung out
after the audition.
It's funny,
I remember talking with Michele Greene 10 years
ago about commercial auditions and she laughed. She,
who works constantly and consistently in the tv &
film said she never came close to landing a commercial
spot so she just stopped going. Seemed bizarre to me
at the time, but "commercial" look is
SUPER-NICHE. Drop-dead gorgeous or exact
stereotype. There is hardly any in between
'cause it relies so heavily on the look. Very
little nuance. A friend of mine, Kurtis Bedford, is in
every goddamn commercial I see lately because he
just has that killer "Everyman" look.
Construction worker, IHOP customer... he just nails
it. He hit that niche and is booking everything. I'm
quite the realist when I say that I don't
fit a commercial niche and neither do my characters.
Count the gay dudes in commercials. Annnnd that would
be none. Just the truth. Blah blah, I just don't
give a fuck and I'm done wasting my time. Other shit
to do.
OK, finally,
annoucning the details of the Documentary premiere
next month in Columbus in the next entry.
