I said I'd stop
writing about this last month, didn't I? Too
bad.
Call it my extreme
amount of experience or my unbelieveably jaded
attitude but that's the very reason I'm screaming this
from the mountaintop... this is perfect. My
relationship with Talya is just perfect. Ooh, ooh,
speaking of mountaintops - we took the pup on her
first trip to Journey Mountain:
The battry ran out
at the end damnit. The 4 of us did a nice little
family portrait to a dead camera. Boo. Anyway, as
I was saying - perfect. It's exactly what
I said in that song
in
January:
I can
tell you all the ways this won't work out, no one
knows it more than me,
I've seen
every love I know stand up and shout... and
then LEAVE.
There's
every reason in the world for me to doubt, but
I believe...
6 months in, there
is no reason for me to doubt. Sometimes the planets do
align and two personalities mesh to such a degree it's
undeniable. Then throw in all the other outside
stressors to the relationship (and the utter LACK of
them here) and you have no other word for it. It feels
like cheating. It feels like we're not really in a
relationship and we feel bad for all the other couples
that are constantly compromising or getting annoyed,
etc. That just doesn't exist here...
...however there
is a bigger reason I'm writing and that's because I am
not unscarred. And for the first time I'm
seeing just what a toll the previous battles took on
me.
My grandfather
used to get emotional about war stuff because he lived
it. He was fine day to day, but a certain song, a
scene... was too much. He doesn't need therapy... it's
just a part of who he is. Cut to last week watching
The Sopranos. The episode where Tony and Carmella
split up. To date the most realistic
"argument" episode I've ever seen. I have no idea
how Edie Falco was able to keep that energy going for
every angle they needed to shoot for the first
fighting scene because it's brutal. And suddenly I'm
curled up on the couch crying. It hits so deep for me
and brings up so many painful memories of what divorce
feels like I could barely watch. There is a tone to
"the last fight" that you never forget. No matter how
mutual the split with Jess was, believe me - there
were angry, hurt moments. Donna was nothing BUT
fighting. And Burgundie telling me she wasn't in love
with me still hits a chord. And hell, even
throw in the 2 weeks with "Palmolive" does damage. She
and Donna of course were of the same cloth mentally so
it was more the memories of Donna than new wounds -
but it still did a number on me. I will never go to
war but in 20 years I will still cry if a movie
does a marital argument well enough. Blue Valentine
did it.
And I think
about my kids seeing it happen to me. They're
never gonna know that drama. They're never
gonna hear those tones. So if they see it in a movie
it'll seem so foreign, but look over at dad? He
can't handle it. I'm gonna be that guy. It's like a
post-traumatic stress disorder. In fact? That's
probably exactly what it is. Those 2 years with Donna
will never go away. But that's the good thing... I'll
never stop appreciating what I have in front of
me.
Thankfully? The
trauma didn't stop me from jumping. That must be the
recurring theme of my life: turning the other
cheek. Good fucking DAMN has life wallopped me with a
2x4 again and again... and I just don't stop.
Bizarre...
...and
I finally mean that in a professional
sense. In the next entry I'm gonna announce the
time/date/location of the Journey documentary and am
currently writing the next iPad Comic bit for Vinnie
Favale at The Late Show. Yay.
(but an entry
on the Xbox Kinect will probably come before that -
hee hee)
