11:10 AM, Sunday, April 10th, 2011:
I said I'd stop writing about this last month, didn't I? Too bad.
Call it my extreme amount of experience or my unbelieveably jaded attitude but that's the very reason I'm screaming this from the mountaintop... this is perfect. My relationship with Talya is just perfect. Ooh, ooh, speaking of mountaintops - we took the pup on her first trip to Journey Mountain:
The battry ran out at the end damnit. The 4 of us did a nice little family portrait to a dead camera. Boo. Anyway, as I was saying - perfect. It's exactly what I said in that song in January:
I can tell you all the ways this won't work out, no one knows it more than me,
I've seen every love I know stand up and shout... and then LEAVE.
There's every reason in the world for me to doubt, but I believe...
6 months in, there is no reason for me to doubt. Sometimes the planets do align and two personalities mesh to such a degree it's undeniable. Then throw in all the other outside stressors to the relationship (and the utter LACK of them here) and you have no other word for it. It feels like cheating. It feels like we're not really in a relationship and we feel bad for all the other couples that are constantly compromising or getting annoyed, etc. That just doesn't exist here...
...however there is a bigger reason I'm writing and that's because I am not unscarred. And for the first time I'm seeing just what a toll the previous battles took on me.
My grandfather used to get emotional about war stuff because he lived it. He was fine day to day, but a certain song, a scene... was too much. He doesn't need therapy... it's just a part of who he is. Cut to last week watching The Sopranos. The episode where Tony and Carmella split up. To date the most realistic "argument" episode I've ever seen. I have no idea how Edie Falco was able to keep that energy going for every angle they needed to shoot for the first fighting scene because it's brutal. And suddenly I'm curled up on the couch crying. It hits so deep for me and brings up so many painful memories of what divorce feels like I could barely watch. There is a tone to "the last fight" that you never forget. No matter how mutual the split with Jess was, believe me - there were angry, hurt moments. Donna was nothing BUT fighting. And Burgundie telling me she wasn't in love with me still hits a chord. And hell, even throw in the 2 weeks with "Palmolive" does damage. She and Donna of course were of the same cloth mentally so it was more the memories of Donna than new wounds - but it still did a number on me. I will never go to war but in 20 years I will still cry if a movie does a marital argument well enough. Blue Valentine did it.
And I think about my kids seeing it happen to me. They're never gonna know that drama. They're never gonna hear those tones. So if they see it in a movie it'll seem so foreign, but look over at dad?  He can't handle it. I'm gonna be that guy. It's like a post-traumatic stress disorder. In fact? That's probably exactly what it is. Those 2 years with Donna will never go away. But that's the good thing... I'll never stop appreciating what I have in front of me.
Thankfully? The trauma didn't stop me from jumping. That must be the recurring theme of my life:  turning the other cheek. Good fucking DAMN has life wallopped me with a 2x4 again and again... and I just don't stop. Bizarre...
...and I finally mean that in a professional sense. In the next entry I'm gonna announce the time/date/location of the Journey documentary and am currently writing the next iPad Comic bit for Vinnie Favale at The Late Show. Yay.
(but an entry on the Xbox Kinect will probably come before that - hee hee)