unlocked on 04.02.11
10:48 AM, Monday, February 7th, 2011:
As she jumped out of bed at 6:24 in the morning to dash to the bathroom, I knew. It took me a second, but once I realized I wasn't dreaming I said, out loud: "Are you ready for this?". It was an out of body moment where I felt like a reader, not a participant. I got out of bed and slowly went into the bathroom with a smile on my face that she couldn't see slumped over the toilet. I sat on the side of the bathtub and rubbed her back...
"So if it's a girl, what should we name her?"
There's little other explanation for her days of nausea. No, being woken up at 6am by the urge to puke is almost movie-scene worthy in terms of meaning. All that was left was a barrage of dazed looks, a few "holy shits" and some loving smiles in between. If babies are supposed to be made out of love, this couldn't be a more appropriate time no matter how "WAY TOO FUCKING SOON" it feels right now. I will privately damn "the pill" for a little bit, but the truth is? There's a reason that for the first time in 20 sexual years of my life, I had no problem trusting it. Yeah, believe it or not - even with wives I have NEVER trusted the pill and always pulled out well before the point of no return. But with Talya? There was no fear. For once I felt safe trusting the pill because I don't think I've ever felt closer to another human being in my life. It felt right to me, and I never second guessed it.
Kinda second-guessing it now though. LMFAO. I'm laughing because you can only be all lovey-dovey for so long before you face the stark reality of just how unfortunate the timing is. I mean, she's still married to the dude for the greencard. Oh, did I mention that? HAAAAAAAAA. In a case of glorious irony for yours truly - SHE's married, and I'M single. <shakes head>. In a strikingly similar situation to me and Donna, she didn't want to screw the guy just because they didn't work out so she stayed married... and what the hell does she need to get remarried for? Not like she's pregnant or anything. (sigh) Yes in our life devoid of any drama, The Journey Gods found a way to spice things up a bit. Shall I remind you of what I wrote in the last entry?
But if the point of this journey is to make sure you reading this understand where I'm at? Understand the page I'm on? I'm at babies. LOL. I mean, I'm not, and EVVVVVVVVVERYTHING is years off just so the rest of the world can take a few gulps, but we know...
So really guys? Out of the years of declarations in entries - THAT'S THE ONE you choose to grant? Not the "I NEED A JOB" shout-outs? I simply meant we were doe-eyed and talking about babies and THE FUTURE, I didn't mean plant the SEED.
Of course, she may not be. She's only 2 weeks past her last period so we have awhile to wait before we can even take a test, but morning sickness is one helluva sign with no other symptoms of, say, the flu or food-poisoning. She actually got sick the night before as well and I gave her a neti-pot to clear out the, uhm, sick from her nose (grossssssss). We went to the grocery store and she said:  "Wow, I can smell unbelieveably now!" which made me beam with joy as I knew I had helped her. Little did I realize that it was even another lovely sign that she was pregnant. <shakes head>. Obviously, more as it develops, but it looks like "the remembered month" is going down in history as the understatement of The Journey. It's also proof that if the pill is 99% effective, try not to have sex 100 times in one month.
Yes, I'm in relatively wonderful spirits. I mean, how can I not be? You know what the horrible first couple of thoughts were when it hit me? How lucky I was that it wasn't with every other woman it COULD have been with. I mean, yes - the timing is mind-numbingly soon. I wanted desperately for her to deal with all the shitty paperwork with her divorce. Have time to plan a wonderful wedding that she never had, let her finish her masters, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I'm very sad that those things won't transpire in the order we wanted them to...
...but holy shit did we luck out. When I think of the situations I've been in where a pregnancy would've been an absolute gut-wrenching moment? Two people so loving and on the same page? I mean, this incredible woman is going to be the mother of my children? <gulp> Her calm, gentle demeanor is going to be next to me the rest of my life? I mean if she isn't pregnant right now I'm honestly going to cum in her EAR for the remainder of the year to avoid this scenario (HAAAAAAA), but if she is? I'm gonna have a baby! I'm gonna be a dad! Oh jesus do I need a job, but she actually has insurance! We have a house! We have a foursquare court! :-)
So that it's enshrined in history... here is what I was doing the day I realized I was gonna be a dad.
Seems about right. Won't know for sure for a couple of weeks, but there's no longer any question how I feel about Talya. ;-)
ps - not sure what's worse, missing the superbowl by a touchdown or losing the superbowl by a touchdown - but either way, I'm glad I don't have to hear Marty talking shit for another year (though I secretly was rooting for him to have the best start of a year ever). To his face however: SUCK IT LOSER. Way to choke at the end. I think Benny-ro-ro had a rape he had to get to so he ended that last drive early.