As she jumped out
of bed at 6:24 in the morning to dash to the bathroom,
I knew. It took me a second, but once I realized
I wasn't dreaming I said, out loud: "Are you
ready for this?". It was an out of body moment where I
felt like a reader, not a participant. I got out of
bed and slowly went into the bathroom with a smile on
my face that she couldn't see slumped over the toilet.
I sat on the side of the bathtub and rubbed her
back...
"So if
it's a girl, what should we name
her?"
There's little
other explanation for her days of nausea. No, being
woken up at 6am by the urge to puke is almost
movie-scene worthy in terms of meaning. All that was
left was a barrage of dazed looks, a few "holy shits"
and some loving smiles in between. If babies are
supposed to be made out of love, this couldn't be a
more appropriate time no matter how
"WAY TOO FUCKING SOON" it feels right
now. I will privately damn "the pill" for a little
bit, but the truth is? There's a reason that for the
first time in 20 sexual years of my life, I had no
problem trusting it. Yeah, believe it or not - even
with wives I have NEVER trusted the pill and
always pulled out well before the point of no return.
But with Talya? There was no fear. For once
I felt safe trusting the pill because I don't
think I've ever felt closer to another human being in
my life. It felt right to me, and I never second
guessed it.
Kinda
second-guessing it now though. LMFAO. I'm laughing
because you can only be all lovey-dovey for so long
before you face the stark reality of just how
unfortunate the timing is. I mean, she's still
married to the dude for the greencard. Oh, did
I mention that? HAAAAAAAAA. In a case of glorious
irony for yours truly - SHE's married, and I'M single.
<shakes head>. In a strikingly similar situation
to me and Donna, she didn't want to screw the guy just
because they didn't work out so she stayed married...
and what the hell does she need to get remarried for?
Not like she's pregnant or anything. (sigh) Yes in our
life devoid of any drama, The Journey Gods found a way
to spice things up a bit. Shall I remind you of what
I wrote in the last entry?
But if the
point of this journey is to make sure you reading
this understand where I'm at? Understand the page
I'm on? I'm at babies. LOL. I mean, I'm not, and
EVVVVVVVVVERYTHING is years off just so the rest of
the world can take a few gulps, but we
know...
So really guys?
Out of the years of declarations in entries -
THAT'S THE ONE you choose to grant? Not the
"I NEED A JOB" shout-outs? I simply
meant we were doe-eyed and talking about babies and
THE FUTURE, I didn't mean plant the SEED.
Of course, she may
not be. She's only 2 weeks past her last period so we
have awhile to wait before we can even take a test,
but morning sickness is one helluva sign with no other
symptoms of, say, the flu or food-poisoning. She
actually got sick the night before as well and I gave
her a neti-pot to clear out the, uhm, sick from her
nose (grossssssss). We went to the grocery store and
she said: "Wow, I can smell unbelieveably
now!" which made me beam with joy as I knew
I had helped her. Little did I realize that
it was even another lovely sign that she was pregnant.
<shakes head>. Obviously, more as it develops,
but it looks like "the remembered month" is going down
in history as the understatement of The Journey. It's
also proof that if the pill is 99% effective, try not
to have sex 100 times in one month.
HAAAAAAAAAAA.
Yes, I'm in
relatively wonderful spirits. I mean, how can
I not be? You know what the horrible first couple
of thoughts were when it hit me? How lucky I was
that it wasn't with every other woman it COULD have
been with. I mean, yes - the timing is mind-numbingly
soon. I wanted desperately for her to deal with all
the shitty paperwork with her divorce. Have time to
plan a wonderful wedding that she never had, let her
finish her masters, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
I'm very sad that those things won't transpire in the
order we wanted them to...
...but holy shit
did we luck out. When I think of the
situations I've been in where a pregnancy would've
been an absolute gut-wrenching moment? Two people so
loving and on the same page? I mean, this
incredible woman is going to be the mother of my
children? <gulp> Her calm, gentle demeanor is
going to be next to me the rest of my life? I mean if
she isn't pregnant right now I'm honestly going to cum
in her EAR for the remainder of the year to avoid this
scenario (HAAAAAAA), but if she is? I'm gonna have a
baby! I'm gonna be a dad! Oh jesus do I need a
job, but she actually has insurance! We have a house!
We have a foursquare court! :-)
So that it's
enshrined in history... here is what I was doing the
day I realized I was gonna be a dad.
Seems about right.
Won't know for sure for a couple of weeks, but there's
no longer any question how I feel about Talya.
;-)
Adam
ps - not sure
what's worse, missing the superbowl by a touchdown or
losing the superbowl by a touchdown - but either way,
I'm glad I don't have to hear Marty talking shit for
another year (though I secretly was rooting for him to
have the best start of a year ever). To his face
however: SUCK IT LOSER. Way to choke at the
end. I think Benny-ro-ro had a rape he had to get
to so he ended that last drive early.
