If it is an omen
that a complete about face to a
year ago
today means
contentment at home and all things domestic, so be it.
If my journey is turning into that family life and
this is the month that did it? So be it.
SOOOOOOOO be it. It is completely out of my hands
at this point because literally all I can do is
float downstream and revel in this newfound peace.
Gone are the days of wondering whether a family will
squelch my dreams of making it. No, making it took on
an entirely different meaning last year and
I barely did. That other showbiz game?
It's not possible for me to care less. I'm back to
creating 'cause it's in me, not because I think it'll
turn into something more. So if I'm throwing myself
into love and babies and all that fun stuff?
I cannot wait...
A lonely
lifetime. Huh? What was Paul smokin'? (don't answer
that) I mean, maybe it's 'cause I'm 10 years
older than Paul was when he wrote that, but that's
just goofy. And, oh yeah - my song is fun too. And
absolutely, positively over the top. Oh my actions
will be cautious and take some time - but my heart
sure ain't listenin' to that shit. Neither Talya nor
I will sit here and deny how obvious this is or
avoid looking ahead. And truth be told -
NONE OF YOU DO EITHER. You might
say that shit in public, you might say that shit to
your friends, but you know goddamn well when you've
met someone special and you absolutely count your
chickens. It's human nature. I just happen to
show it to the WORLD (over and over and over) and have
the scars to prove it.
This will
be the remembered month. A month that the winds were
so strong on the edge of the cliff I jumped off and
flew. I may be flying away from the dreams of
yesteryear, but I may also be saving my own life
and giving those dreams a chance to exist. I simply
don't know or care. But if the point of this journey
is to make sure you reading this understand where I'm
at? Understand the page I'm on? I'm at babies. LOL.
I mean, I'm not, and EVVVVVVVVVERYTHING is
years off just so the rest of the world can take a few
gulps, but we know... hell - her mother knows.
I think I take more stock in that than anything.
It's not just that her mother likes me, it's that she
looks at her daughter and she knows. She knows that
she is happier than she's ever been and she feels my
sincerity. I have never had that. And to get it
NOW? After what I've been through? To still get that
trust from both of them? Oh I'm not lettin' this go.
And the reason this will work? She isn't letting go
either. As I've said (too many times this month),
Talya seems to have the perfect amount of experiences
to appreciate me and vice versa. In fact, I've put
this up as my Facebook status twice this past
week:
"I've
never been more appreciative and never felt more
appreciated."
And once you get
to this point? It's your goal to never, ever, ever
take it for granted. That is something I cannot
do because of this site. There is no running from your
past with "The Journey". I cannot brush over the bad
memories. They live in me. And that ever-present past
that makes me crazy when I'm isolated from the world?
Makes me content and grateful when I have someone
special near me. There is no fear... only the yearning
for everyone I know to spend time with us and see
it for themselves. In time.
I cannot
wait.
Adam
i cannot
wait to show,
that i
will never let you go,
don't
hesitate to know,
i'll
always love you so.
you lived
through years of illusions, delusions, i
know,
you kept
believing in someday, that one day you'd
know,
And suddenly
it's upon you, up on you, i know,
no doubt who
i wrote this song to, who i belong to, baby you
know,
