About due for a
"Randoms" entry. Happy to get all this out so
I can clear the slate a bit...
1)
MONSTERBURG BITCHES
When I first
tried to pimp my FOUR series last year, Dave
Monsterburg posted one episode on his site,
Monsterburg.com
(slightly abandoned now), and when I did the
NSFW song he posted it as well and it really
jump-started the video. I've kept in touch with him
and in particular one of the content posters, Pat. At
the end of the year, they have awards and they asked
if I could do a video for them. I said
I would try to help and then BOOM, they just
included me in a promo for the awards...
I'll admit,
I was kinda frustrated. 'Cause I tend not to
half-ass things and whatever I would end up doing
was gonna take a lot of time. I also didn't
really understand what he wanted. Just "something" for
them to post where I mention the awards, sing a
song, do a skit - something. Most everything tends to
be quite dirty, and since I've been singing the dirty
version of this song for the past week, I figured
this would work. So, enjoy.
Heh. All
I can really say about that. Heh. By the way,
that was almost Spencer and Cameron, but
I need a specific type of glue and wax for my
eyebrows to do Spencer and I need to ask Tyson about
that. Would like to be able to do all the Egos in one
day again, even if it's for something like this. I
know the individual jokes aren't very "laugh out loud"
funny, but every time I do something with them
I realize how effortless the scene feels. So much
split screen stuff is over the top and highly edited.
Nice long one-shots of two characters just shooting
the shit... just really rare. It's that slow rhythm
that makes it work for me. I'd like the ability to do
more. As it is, that took me for friggin' ever.
Goddamn I sure do throw away videos and work
sometimes. It's auto-pilot though. I never
think of how long it's taking while I'm doing it. I'm
so goal driven that I look up and 8 hours pass.
Actually? It's the only time I feel alive.
Gulp.
2) Black Tongue of
Death
Well, this
certainly reminded me I was alive. So along with
the fall/winter of my discontent health wise (I've
seriously had some annoying symptom of a cold,
non-stop, for 2 months), I suddenly had a bad taste in
my mouth. Like, really intense. Imagine something died
in your stomach, and never moved. Weird thing? It was
only noticeable when I ate something. So
I would think it was the food I was
eating... but it would go away, then come back when
I ate again. DAYS of this. I scrubbed
my throat with a toothbrush like I was in Silkwood
(christ that reference is like 30 years old now).
I could not figure out what was wrong. Finally,
google to the rescue: "Rancid Pine Nuts". Sounds
pretty horrible right? Well, there was abag of pine
nuts that had been in my fridge for months that my
renter had left when he moved out. I had munched
on them off and on. Well I decided to finish the
bag. I tasted absolutely nothing different with them
when I ate them, and there were only 3 or 4
mouthfuls left. A google search brings up identical
symptoms with people as bewildered as I was. After
nearly two weeks, it has finally gone away. Two weeks
people. So yeah, don't eat pine nuts past the date on
the bag. Really. What I would've given to just
have been violently ill for a day. Ugh. However?
Awesome legal torture for prisoners of war. Right?
I mean how annoying is THAT? :-)
3) <told-you-so
smirk>
As if he
ALL THE SUDDEN became a badass. As if he was
doing NOTHING for two years. I swear to
SHIZZLE you whiny liberal bitches need to read
some political books about previous administrations
and how they work. And I am so pissed at a
specific person right now on Facebook I nearly
wrote an entire entry on it. If you sit there and rail
against Obama for his handling of Don't Ask Don't Tell
for YEARS... you damn well better have the balls to
MAN-UP and say: "Ya know what? I was wrong.
He handled it correctly." He went straight to the
military, he was cautious, pragmatic and weighed the
options. He got the reports, he is aware we are
AT WAR and that shaking up something during this
time is not something to be taken lightly. Also, an
executive order is temporary, and he was trying to
make it LAW. He did it in less than two years.
He did it in less
than two years. Do you realize that 75% (some say even
85%) of his campaign promises have been accomplished?
In 1 year and 11 months. Step the fuck, off. GOD. And
you know what this person did when DADT passed?
HE ERASED HIS POSTS SLAMMING OBAMA
and wrote a nice one about it passing. Oh my
FUCKING GOD you are a pussy. Please
understand I'm not actually mad, but just baffled at
the spineless people out there that are now entering
the online/public world... oh this gets a new
number...
4) See? Fucking
complicated isn't it?
Now, nearly
everyone understands what it feels like to have egg on
your face in public. Suddenly the whole world is in a
sense, blogging. They are posting their thoughts and
feelings and everyone can go back and see
EVVVVVVVVVVERYTHING. That is... unless you just
constantly erase shit so you look good. Most people
aren't that narcissistic and I am fully aware that
I am disturbingly open on this site and
seem to REVEL in the egg on my face when I'm proven
wrong, but to spend a good deal of time writing status
updates to slam someone and then never own it when you
end up being wrong? <shakes head> Pussy. No
other way to put it. All of you with Facebook now have
"mini-journeys" where you're documenting your life
over a long period of time and guess what: we're all
hypocrites at one time or another. And of course
there's an urge to ERASE times where you look stupid,
but I honestly have no respect for those that
spend their time doing that. BE YOU. The majority
of the issues with relationships (not just romantic)
is that you have to spend so much time getting past
the other person's REPRESENTITIVE. How they gloss over
old flames, pretend to be interested in things they
aren't, how they act "hard" or "bitchy" when they
actually like you so YOU don't get a big head.
The games are unreal... and Facebook is one big bag of
dicks. I actually meant to say "big bag of
games" there, but the Louis CK joke about "bag of
dicks" just flew into my brain (YouTube it). Anyway...
BE YOU. Be as unabashedly you as you can be.
You'll save EVERYONE a fuckload of time.
Ahem.
5) Dangerous,
unassuming and inviting...
Speaking of a
"fuckload of time...", I have been spending
that with a woman named Talya and she's kinda
reminded me that there is indeed peace in the world.
In fact, we've been seeing each other for two months
and it has been the definition of "float downstream".
She fully accepts where I'm at in my life and in
return? Peace. I'm not constantly being pulled to give
more than I can. And guess what happens?
I start to be able to give more than
I thought I could. Who knew that all it took
was peace? Actually I did. I think a few
women reading this might be wincing at the word
"peace" as it came up about 79 times a conversation
with them. Goddamn, is it really that hard to just go
with the fucking flow of life? Clearly for them it
was. My friends have asked if this is serious and my
reply is usually that of astonishment: "Is it?
I guess it is..." "Serious" implies so much
bullshit that just isn't in our radar. Labels,
roles... blah. We spend all our time with each other
because it's nice and peaceful. I like nice and
peaceful. I'm attracted to nice and peaceful. And for
the first time in... jesus - Smiley Girl? Yeah, 2005.
For the first time in 5 years, nice and peaceful is
living in the same city, and is attracted to me.
I cannot answer the other questions, and I don't
really care to tell you the truth. Neither does she.
We will at some point, and I have a feeling we
will talk to each other like adults and do what's best
for each other. Haven't felt that since Jessica. Isn't
that funny? Longtime readers will read that comparison
and go: "Oooh, this must be serious."
Yes, when I compare it to my second ex-wife who
is now just a friend, that is somehow insight. LOL.
All that proves is that I've found someone who will
probably be at the very least my friend for the rest
of my life. One way or the other, that's a start of a
beautiful story.
6) Speaking of
Stories...
Talya is jewish,
but that's no excuse for her not knowing "A Christmas
Story". Actually, I take that back... that's
probably the perfect excuse for not knowing
that movie. But, like most jewish kids, she saw all
the Christmas movies and loves 'em, she just hadn't
seen this one. Which made my claim to fame of being
the only person I know to have seen it in the theaters
in it's first theatrical run in 1983 fall on blank
eyes. Bummer. I mean, that's pretty cool. A Christmas
Story is probably second only to Blade Runner for
movies that exploded on home video after a disasterous
box office run. But no, my dad and I saw it at
Graceland Shopping Center on (thanks to
boxofficemojo.com)
what had to be either, November 19th or 26th, or
December 3rd or 10th - TWENTY-SEVEN
YEARS AGO.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.
7) Step Away from
the piano
So after my "1TV"
revelation I met with my friend Gary who I've
known for... wow for nearly 6 years. He works at
Universal Music Group and though we tend to stick to
everything BUT business, I had to ask him
about the possibilities of making some sort of dent in
the music industry. We've skimmed it before, but the
bottom line is... unless you're writing upbeat pop
songs for 12 year old girls? You will not be making
money in the music industry. Even writing for other
people. Ya just won't. No matter how good "Naive
Again" is? It's sad, it's not marketable. Now, if I
were the artist? It's a different story... but the
path these days for an artist is just playing out
constantly, giving nearly everything away - and hoping
you get a following so huge that a record label wants
to USE you. And truth be told? If your following is
that big? You can do it all yourself with iTunes and
the rest of the internet. In that sense, there
are quite a few independent artists making a nice
living touring the country. Eric Michael Hopper from
the first living room live in fact told me this 4
years ago when we met. He turned down several record
contracts because he could make more on his own.
<shrugs> The record industry is basically fucked
up beyond all recognition. There is no longer any
money in it to fund the mid-line acts. You're either
Lady Gaga or you have an indie following so big they
can't ignore you. Which I have honestly known for a
decade, hell it was like this when I was at CD101
in 1998-1999, but now with downloads? Dead on Arrival.
It doesn't change a whole lot for me with this show
idea though. I put a few songs on iTunes (full
story in the next entry), and will try to play out.
It's about keeping me sane, not making money. TV is
the only way I can conceiveably do both. Who
knows when that will come up again...
8) 100% Free
Hard-drive Recovery
Speaking of things
coming up again...what a story. I've had various
stories of hard-drive woe in the last decade, the
worst being 2007 costing me $2000 to save a years
worth of Journey videos (which are now
TRIPLE saved). When I went to recover it
though, I brought in 5 or 6 drives to see if
I could get a deal on all of them.
I couldn't. Those ass fuckers found every file on
the drives, gave me a printout of them - and then
wanted to charge me $11,000 to transfer them to a new
drive. Fuck you. I took everything back and have kept
them ever since. On a whim the other day?
I plugged them in to see if anything worked and
HOLY FUCK BALLS one of them did. I had no
idea if it was only gonna be for a few minutes so
I instantly started transferring them and
amazingly - got all 250 gigs off. Old videos, files,
pictures... just some priceless stuff. Me and my dad
singing with each other in 2003 at one of his gigs...
just awesome stuff that I thought was lost
forever. All the other drives are still hosed, but
until I can gather together a couple dozen other
people in similar situations and pool some money to
make our OWN lab so we can help each other? Fuck
the harddrive recovery business. If you could give me
a readout of everything on it that quickly? It didn't
need to cost me $2000 a drive when I was giving
you 5 drives of business you ass rammers. Negotiate.
And back in 2007 when I was employed? You
would've made some money. Instead you wasted all that
time and got dick. Dicks.
9) Make
Bucks!
(sigh) As an
actual fan of the Ohio State Buckeyes, I just have to
say - all joking aside - it is heartbreaking that any
player would sell his championship ring or their gold
pants (little piece of gold jewelry players receive
for beating Michigan). 5 players, including our
starting quarterback have been suspended for the first
5 games of next season for selling their
rings/jerseys/gold pants, etc. Yes, I know that
it's ridiculous how much the NCAA makes off these kids
and then shits on them if they sell a freaking piece
of jewelry, but that is beside the point. I don't
care if it was 100% legal... what, the, fuck. These
are moments that will stick with you forever. Ya know
how many players never beat Michigan? I know it's
commonplace now and the kids had duplicates of
everything they sold... but as a fan? I'm just
offended that tradition means so little to these
bitches that they would sell them. Especially these 5,
all of which will be going to the NFL (now probably a
little sooner than before). They're gonna make
MILLIONS in a matter of months... so, what the
fuck guys? $1000? <shakes head>. I'm just
saddened by it. I know, in the scheme of things, it's
a pretty minor infraction and yes, I still find
it hard to believe that the school makes
BILLIONS off of a handful of kids (sorry to all
the other sports, football actually pays for YOU) and
thinks a college scholarship at a public university is
enough... but it isn't. It's bullshit and something
needs to change. But again, all that being said, it
doesn't matter. What matters is that a guy sitting at
home watching it has more respect for the tradition of
a university he didn't even attend than the players on
the field. :-(
Well, don't mean
to leave it on that note, but more movies await. Hope
everyone had a Merry Christmas... mine was absolutely
- peaceful.
