Entry #1106
6:42 PM, December 25th, 2010:
About due for a "Randoms" entry. Happy to get all this out so I can clear the slate a bit...
When I first tried to pimp my FOUR series last year, Dave Monsterburg posted one episode on his site, Monsterburg.com (slightly abandoned now), and when I did the NSFW song he posted it as well and it really jump-started the video. I've kept in touch with him and in particular one of the content posters, Pat. At the end of the year, they have awards and they asked if I could do a video for them. I said I would try to help and then BOOM, they just included me in a promo for the awards...
I'll admit, I was kinda frustrated. 'Cause I tend not to half-ass things and whatever I would end up doing was gonna take a lot of time. I also didn't really understand what he wanted. Just "something" for them to post where I mention the awards, sing a song, do a skit - something. Most everything tends to be quite dirty, and since I've been singing the dirty version of this song for the past week, I figured this would work. So, enjoy.
Heh. All I can really say about that. Heh. By the way, that was almost Spencer and Cameron, but I need a specific type of glue and wax for my eyebrows to do Spencer and I need to ask Tyson about that. Would like to be able to do all the Egos in one day again, even if it's for something like this. I know the individual jokes aren't very "laugh out loud" funny, but every time I do something with them I realize how effortless the scene feels. So much split screen stuff is over the top and highly edited. Nice long one-shots of two characters just shooting the shit... just really rare. It's that slow rhythm that makes it work for me. I'd like the ability to do more. As it is, that took me for friggin' ever. Goddamn I sure do throw away videos and work sometimes. It's auto-pilot though. I never think of how long it's taking while I'm doing it. I'm so goal driven that I look up and 8 hours pass. Actually? It's the only time I feel alive. Gulp.
2) Black Tongue of Death
Well, this certainly reminded me I was alive. So along with the fall/winter of my discontent health wise (I've seriously had some annoying symptom of a cold, non-stop, for 2 months), I suddenly had a bad taste in my mouth. Like, really intense. Imagine something died in your stomach, and never moved. Weird thing? It was only noticeable when I ate something. So I would think it was the food I was eating... but it would go away, then come back when I ate again. DAYS of this. I scrubbed my throat with a toothbrush like I was in Silkwood (christ that reference is like 30 years old now). I could not figure out what was wrong. Finally, google to the rescue: "Rancid Pine Nuts". Sounds pretty horrible right? Well, there was abag of pine nuts that had been in my fridge for months that my renter had left when he moved out. I had munched on them off and on. Well I decided to finish the bag. I tasted absolutely nothing different with them when I ate them, and there were only 3 or 4 mouthfuls left. A google search brings up identical symptoms with people as bewildered as I was. After nearly two weeks, it has finally gone away. Two weeks people. So yeah, don't eat pine nuts past the date on the bag. Really. What I would've given to just have been violently ill for a day. Ugh. However? Awesome legal torture for prisoners of war. Right? I mean how annoying is THAT? :-)
3) <told-you-so smirk>
As if he ALL THE SUDDEN became a badass. As if he was doing NOTHING for two years. I swear to SHIZZLE you whiny liberal bitches need to read some political books about previous administrations and how they work. And I am so pissed at a specific person right now on Facebook I nearly wrote an entire entry on it. If you sit there and rail against Obama for his handling of Don't Ask Don't Tell for YEARS... you damn well better have the balls to MAN-UP and say:  "Ya know what? I was wrong. He handled it correctly." He went straight to the military, he was cautious, pragmatic and weighed the options. He got the reports, he is aware we are AT WAR and that shaking up something during this time is not something to be taken lightly. Also, an executive order is temporary, and he was trying to make it LAW. He did it in less than two years.
He did it in less than two years. Do you realize that 75% (some say even 85%) of his campaign promises have been accomplished? In 1 year and 11 months. Step the fuck, off. GOD. And you know what this person did when DADT passed? HE ERASED HIS POSTS SLAMMING OBAMA and wrote a nice one about it passing. Oh my FUCKING GOD you are a pussy. Please understand I'm not actually mad, but just baffled at the spineless people out there that are now entering the online/public world... oh this gets a new number...
4) See? Fucking complicated isn't it?
Now, nearly everyone understands what it feels like to have egg on your face in public. Suddenly the whole world is in a sense, blogging. They are posting their thoughts and feelings and everyone can go back and see EVVVVVVVVVVERYTHING. That is... unless you just constantly erase shit so you look good. Most people aren't that narcissistic and I am fully aware that I am disturbingly open on this site and seem to REVEL in the egg on my face when I'm proven wrong, but to spend a good deal of time writing status updates to slam someone and then never own it when you end up being wrong? <shakes head> Pussy. No other way to put it. All of you with Facebook now have "mini-journeys" where you're documenting your life over a long period of time and guess what: we're all hypocrites at one time or another. And of course there's an urge to ERASE times where you look stupid, but I honestly have no respect for those that spend their time doing that. BE YOU. The majority of the issues with relationships (not just romantic) is that you have to spend so much time getting past the other person's REPRESENTITIVE. How they gloss over old flames, pretend to be interested in things they aren't, how they act "hard" or "bitchy" when they actually like you so YOU don't get a big head. The games are unreal... and Facebook is one big bag of dicks. I actually meant to say "big bag of games" there, but the Louis CK joke about "bag of dicks" just flew into my brain (YouTube it). Anyway... BE YOU. Be as unabashedly you as you can be. You'll save EVERYONE a fuckload of time.
5) Dangerous, unassuming and inviting...
Speaking of a "fuckload of time...", I have been spending that with a woman named Talya and she's kinda reminded me that there is indeed peace in the world. In fact, we've been seeing each other for two months and it has been the definition of "float downstream". She fully accepts where I'm at in my life and in return? Peace. I'm not constantly being pulled to give more than I can. And guess what happens? I start to be able to give more than I thought I could. Who knew that all it took was peace? Actually I did. I think a few women reading this might be wincing at the word "peace" as it came up about 79 times a conversation with them. Goddamn, is it really that hard to just go with the fucking flow of life? Clearly for them it was. My friends have asked if this is serious and my reply is usually that of astonishment: "Is it? I guess it is..." "Serious" implies so much bullshit that just isn't in our radar. Labels, roles... blah. We spend all our time with each other because it's nice and peaceful. I like nice and peaceful. I'm attracted to nice and peaceful. And for the first time in... jesus - Smiley Girl? Yeah, 2005. For the first time in 5 years, nice and peaceful is living in the same city, and is attracted to me. I cannot answer the other questions, and I don't really care to tell you the truth. Neither does she. We will at some point, and I have a feeling we will talk to each other like adults and do what's best for each other. Haven't felt that since Jessica. Isn't that funny? Longtime readers will read that comparison and go:  "Oooh, this must be serious." Yes, when I compare it to my second ex-wife who is now just a friend, that is somehow insight. LOL. All that proves is that I've found someone who will probably be at the very least my friend for the rest of my life. One way or the other, that's a start of a beautiful story.
6) Speaking of Stories...
Talya is jewish, but that's no excuse for her not knowing "A Christmas Story". Actually, I take that back... that's probably the perfect excuse for not knowing that movie. But, like most jewish kids, she saw all the Christmas movies and loves 'em, she just hadn't seen this one. Which made my claim to fame of being the only person I know to have seen it in the theaters in it's first theatrical run in 1983 fall on blank eyes. Bummer. I mean, that's pretty cool. A Christmas Story is probably second only to Blade Runner for movies that exploded on home video after a disasterous box office run. But no, my dad and I saw it at Graceland Shopping Center on (thanks to boxofficemojo.com) what had to be either, November 19th or 26th, or December 3rd or 10th - TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS AGO.
7) Step Away from the piano
So after my "1TV" revelation I met with my friend Gary who I've known for... wow for nearly 6 years. He works at Universal Music Group and though we tend to stick to everything BUT business, I had to ask him about the possibilities of making some sort of dent in the music industry. We've skimmed it before, but the bottom line is... unless you're writing upbeat pop songs for 12 year old girls? You will not be making money in the music industry. Even writing for other people. Ya just won't. No matter how good "Naive Again" is? It's sad, it's not marketable. Now, if I were the artist? It's a different story... but the path these days for an artist is just playing out constantly, giving nearly everything away - and hoping you get a following so huge that a record label wants to USE you. And truth be told? If your following is that big? You can do it all yourself with iTunes and the rest of the internet. In that sense, there are quite a few independent artists making a nice living touring the country. Eric Michael Hopper from the first living room live in fact told me this 4 years ago when we met. He turned down several record contracts because he could make more on his own. <shrugs> The record industry is basically fucked up beyond all recognition. There is no longer any money in it to fund the mid-line acts. You're either Lady Gaga or you have an indie following so big they can't ignore you. Which I have honestly known for a decade, hell it was like this when I was at CD101 in 1998-1999, but now with downloads? Dead on Arrival. It doesn't change a whole lot for me with this show idea though. I put a few songs on iTunes (full story in the next entry), and will try to play out. It's about keeping me sane, not making money. TV is the only way I can conceiveably do both. Who knows when that will come up again...
8) 100% Free Hard-drive Recovery
Speaking of things coming up again...what a story. I've had various stories of hard-drive woe in the last decade, the worst being 2007 costing me $2000 to save a years worth of Journey videos (which are now TRIPLE saved). When I went to recover it though, I brought in 5 or 6 drives to see if I could get a deal on all of them. I couldn't. Those ass fuckers found every file on the drives, gave me a printout of them - and then wanted to charge me $11,000 to transfer them to a new drive. Fuck you. I took everything back and have kept them ever since. On a whim the other day? I plugged them in to see if anything worked and HOLY FUCK BALLS one of them did. I had no idea if it was only gonna be for a few minutes so I instantly started transferring them and amazingly - got all 250 gigs off. Old videos, files, pictures... just some priceless stuff. Me and my dad singing with each other in 2003 at one of his gigs... just awesome stuff that I thought was lost forever. All the other drives are still hosed, but until I can gather together a couple dozen other people in similar situations and pool some money to make our OWN lab so we can help each other? Fuck the harddrive recovery business. If you could give me a readout of everything on it that quickly? It didn't need to cost me $2000 a drive when I was giving you 5 drives of business you ass rammers. Negotiate. And back in 2007 when I was employed? You would've made some money. Instead you wasted all that time and got dick. Dicks.
9) Make Bucks!
(sigh) As an actual fan of the Ohio State Buckeyes, I just have to say - all joking aside - it is heartbreaking that any player would sell his championship ring or their gold pants (little piece of gold jewelry players receive for beating Michigan). 5 players, including our starting quarterback have been suspended for the first 5 games of next season for selling their rings/jerseys/gold pants, etc. Yes, I know that it's ridiculous how much the NCAA makes off these kids and then shits on them if they sell a freaking piece of jewelry, but that is beside the point. I don't care if it was 100% legal... what, the, fuck. These are moments that will stick with you forever. Ya know how many players never beat Michigan? I know it's commonplace now and the kids had duplicates of everything they sold... but as a fan? I'm just offended that tradition means so little to these bitches that they would sell them. Especially these 5, all of which will be going to the NFL (now probably a little sooner than before). They're gonna make MILLIONS in a matter of months... so, what the fuck guys? $1000? <shakes head>. I'm just saddened by it. I know, in the scheme of things, it's a pretty minor infraction and yes, I still find it hard to believe that the school makes BILLIONS off of a handful of kids (sorry to all the other sports, football actually pays for YOU) and thinks a college scholarship at a public university is enough... but it isn't. It's bullshit and something needs to change. But again, all that being said, it doesn't matter. What matters is that a guy sitting at home watching it has more respect for the tradition of a university he didn't even attend than the players on the field. :-(
Well, don't mean to leave it on that note, but more movies await. Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas... mine was absolutely - peaceful.