Entry #1088
12:03 AM, October 19th 2010:
"To everyone that runs from their past... you're not that fast."
I always used to be the first to say "for me..." after every grand assertion about life. I only know what's best for me. I cannot tell you what's best for you. I always considered that judgmental and arrogant....
...I'm starting to wonder about that.
The fact of the matter is? My experience has shown me red flags in certain situations so fast, numbering so many... that ignoring them so I could keep an open mind? Borders on psychotic. In all honesty? If you have the experience to back it up? Judge like a Supreme Court Justice. You know how you look at old peeps and consider them close-minded? No they've just actually lived and don't want to hear your naive ramblings about the world.
Now, I'm not completely there yet. I still want to hear your shit, but I'm gonna call you on it. And something tells me, in time I'll stop doin' that as well. 'Cause I'm to the point where I have so much experience that I can't unsee. And the patterns have never been wrong. It's like hearing the wrong note in a song... hearing it 15 times isn't gonna make it right. It's wrong. It needs to be pointed out. Someone recently had a big issue with that saying they "don't have baggage" since they left it behind. Try to not disagree with THAT. I can't...
We all have baggage. Acting like it's not yours or you're not carrying it? Is a little humorous to someone like me who not only admits to it, but explores every section of it (publically) to see what goodies are inside. There's nothin' more valuable to me than my failures. Nothing. They are insights into your soul, they are keys to your success, they are uniquely yours and no one can take them from you. As long as you continue to jump? They are nothing but positives...
...the problem is? It seems a lot easier to forget them, cover them up, and then move on. Maybe for the DAY that's easier, but as I said to everyone that runs from their past... you're not that fast. You can't beat it, you have to deal with it. And I am always shocked how many people live like this. Bury their past, avoid negative thoughts, and reach for all things happy. And simply put? I judge you if that is your process. It's something I can no longer respond to with my favorite line: "Whatever Gets You Through The Night". Because you are not only hurting yourself, you're hurting those around you. You're basically showing everyone a projection of what you wish you were as opposed to who you are. That lack of self-awareness is painful to people who trust you or put their faith in you.
However, I know better - and my best friend, experience, does cartwheels when I'm in trouble. Sends up flares, waves his hands, massive red flags that I have to SWIM through to avoid. He is also spotlighted about 8 times a month on a MASSIVE website with over a thousand videos so I WON'T FORGET... so to my friend, I give you this:
Awwwwwww snap. Ha. Understand that it takes A LOT now to elicit that look at the end. That person had to pick me up, throw me down, pick me up and throw me down again in a pretty remarkable way to get that eyebrow raise. And I have experience to thank for that as well. Because the other stories have been told? Subtlety works.
And as I mentioned in the last entry - this all sprouts from an incredibly tumultuous week where everything was given and pulled from me, repeatedly, and truth be told is still going on. But then a funny thing happened. That guy who tried desperately to maintain friendships with everyone? Even those that hurt him? He's missing. I believe he was hit with a drunken slam about a loved one and then buried in the backyard with fleas and worms. He's gone. I'm not gettin' him. Bridge, burned. Experience +1.
Hope you liked your song man.
Experience, I think you're my best friend,
You see what's comin' around the bend,
You know the patterns like you should,
You turn the past into somethin good...
You flag me down when I lose my way,
You always got somethin to say,
And at times I wish you'd just let me be,
But you're in me...
Experience you're not good or bad,
You're not happy you're not angry or sad,
You're the truth whether I like it or not,
And with...
Experience, I dont repeat mistakes,
But that only ups the stakes,
That I'll find a brand new way,
To fall on my ass today...
But fallin' means I still took the leap,
It means I haven't fallen asleep,
And where there's consciousness there'll always be light,
I will survive...
With my ever present past as my guide,
I'm just gonna cherish the ride,
And to everyone that runs from their past,
You're not, that, fast.