Entry #1087
12:01 PM, October 18th 2010:
Well thank you cloudy day in LA, you allowed me to write this entry explaining the madness that was supposed to occur today, but is now delayed until you clear up. Left everyone with a bit of a cliffhanger... err, a bit of a skydiver, and then didn't have time to finish the entry about it. What a bad chronic chronicler I am. That would've been a really shitty way to end The Journey. An aside to jumping out of a plane with a nice "sorry mom" and then blankness. Gotta be more responsible than that. :-)
Of course I'm still friggin' doing it but at least now I can tell you WHY I'm doing it:
Uhm, 'cause I can't say no to a great Journey video. Ever.
It's like I said in the Channel Islands video? You offer me an adventure? It's like a pavloving response. A couple months back Paddy and JT asked if I wanted to get up really early and go down to Long Beach to see the Red Bull Flugtag where people run crafts off a cliff and crash into the water. I wanted desperately to say no, work on shit or just sleep... but then I think about what that Journey video might be and goddamnit, I have to say yes. And we get this:
And for the rest of my life, October 2010 will be colored with that moment. Hard to say no to, right? I sleep in? That doesn't exist. And seriously? I don't WANT to jump out of a perfectly good fucking plane... but I sure want to read about it in the future. I sure want to look at the video while skimmin' through my life later. I guess that's what pushes anyone to do crazy stuff, but it's a little more intense for me because my life at this point feels like a video game and I want to see the next level. Oooh, a skydiving level? Let's go! It's a product of having all these little videos of my memories. I REALLY like the cool videos... so I want to make more...
...but the actual dude doin' this shit? He's more than a little freaked out. Like, imagine talking to Super Mario. Imagine that when you turn off that game, he goes to his house, sits down, grabs a beer and goes "wheeeeeeeew". You're his buddy, you come in to hang and ask how his day was:
"Does anyone ever think I might not want to FLY over the lava pit? 'Oh look at the little plumber screaming and grabbing his ass! Ha! How cute!' Well it's NOT cute. It fucking hurts. And I'm-a-done with this shit."


I actually feel like this sometimes. There were moments in Africa last year where I literally stepped out of my brain and thought:  "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?". Clearly the adventure side of me is stronger, but again, with this site? I do things I would NEVER normally do, to get the good video. I say it almost sheepishly when approached. 'Cause I already know that no matter what I actually feel about the "offer"? I might as well just agree to it right then, 'cause I won't be able to sleep thinking I'm missing an opportunity for a great video. So when an old friend from the loan business said he was workin' through his bucket list and couldn't find anyone to jump out of a plane with him? Duh.
Of course we'll both be jumping seperately with a trained professional, and truth be told? I'm not actually that freaked out by it. I assume your chances of dying are better driving the 405. I am fairly certain however, this won't be a "thrill seeking" pattern for me. I don't have the money, and honestly? Have other things to accomplish. It was simply offered, and I won't turn that down. Thank you Nathan, it's gonna be very cool.
Pink elephant, pink elephant... ugh my body just kinda knows when I'm leaving out a bunch of shit and I think at some point I'm gonna need to find a way to deal with what happened to me last week a little better than I did two entries ago. The effect it has had on my core is profound. Even for a guy who has seen ten people's shares of gaining and losing everything in record time, the past week shook me up. To the point where getting the good news of a callback? Made me breakdown in tears because I had finally accepted that everything was gone, and was OK with it... and suddenly it's all back. Being a puppet on a string is par for the course in this industry, but when the manipulation defies all logic? Your brain starts to short-circuit. In fact, I think it already has, and now the run-of-the-mill insanity that is this city can't even be processed now. I need support quickly, or I'm not gonna be running anymore.
More soon. Need to escape a bit.