I said it two
entries ago at the end of that tumultious
month:
"What the hell
are you gonna do on a small island with no water or
electricity for three days?"
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
...and then
come home, and do everything. Absolutely
everything."
I knew the Channel
Islands were a reset, and I knew my focus would
be positive coming back from it. But a funny thing
happened on the way to that nice positive build-up. It
didn't work. As you read in the last entry I was
lower than I was before and truth be told, I've
held a bit back from just how bad it got. The
"story" of The Journey is sometimes too much. You
innundate yourself with it, and soon the story takes
over. I've argued that's what happened to
Chris Farley. He was so fixated on the story of
Belushi, he just saw it through. Nothing anyone could
say could keep him from that destiny.
Unfortunately for
me, going through the process of making this
documentary has turned the last 10 years of my life
into a drama that as a viewer I could only see as a
tragedy. The more I worked on it, the more it hit
me. The more I thought about it the deeper
I went. And when you get that low you find that
the will to even get up another day wanes. I was in an
incredibly fragile state where any input I got,
was overboard. I started making calls to people on my
phone praying for something to wake me up. And all
that did was make me frustrated at who
I specifically couldn't call that could actually
help. I had someone tell me to move back to Ohio.
That annoyed me.
And then
I had someone else tell me the same
thing.
And then someone
else told me the same thing. 3 people that had never
said this to me, just outright said it was time. The
last being semi-adorable as Ann just kept looking at
Tammy's Channel Islands picture and like a mother
saying: "Go make babies in Ohio Adam. She's
beautiful. Just go." Sweet, but man did it have an
effect on me. That effect?
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
-
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF?
HAVE YOU NOT SEEN WHAT I'VE PRODUCED?
WHAT?
WHAT? WHAT?
The swagger leaped
out of me. That pompousness that I haven't felt
in a year just blasted out. Hearing these three people
tell me to come home, for some reason, just irritated
the living shit out of me. Like, it was fine for
MEEEEEEEEEEEEE to think it -- but how dare you! HA.
THis is all a bit crazy, because these are just people
who care about me and want to see me happy. So all of
this feigned anger at them is completely directed at
me. It makes no logical sense because I'm the one that
provided them with the idea by the way I've been
acting this whole year. But again, it lit me
UP.
...and it was time
to be a little boy.
?
I've been putting
off doing my voice-over reel for awhile now and
I was just done. So I started finding copy
(thanks to some links provided by Laura Adler) and
started recording some spots. Got to this
"water" one, and knew it had to be Johnny Boyle
from my WTVN days. Hadn't done the voice in what, 12
years? Man it's spooky to hear that voice come out of
me. That's not the entire reel obviously but it's the
first thing I've done that didn't really sound like me
and made me think: "Wow, I'm actually good at this."
so I thought I'd include it.
I did this on
Thursday, and the following day Laura takes me to
brunch and says that she is now going to be managing
Joe (her nephew and "the kid" from FOUR) and
offered to also manage me, with us two being her only
clients. She figures as she's been a casting director
for 20 years, she knows enough people to get me any
audition she thinks I'm suited for. Curb your
enthusiasm for one second...
Friend. Huge
friend. In some respects, only friend. I say some
respects so as to not blast out everyone I know
out here, but her faith in me has truly been second to
none since we met in 2008 and that means more to me
than anything career related. And I really,
really mean that. So I looked her dead in the eye
and said: "You know what I'm gonna say here..." And
she knows all about my previous manager, Charlotte and
what a nightmare scenario that was on every level. The
truth of the matter is? It only took me a few seconds
to realize how ridiculous it is for me to be concerned
about that. The story of Charlotte is so black and
white obvious to anyone who has had any contact with
her, or who hears even the most MINOR of issues
I had, that it barely needs to be brought up.
This will be nothing like that and it takes ZERO leap
of faith to believe that. This isn't a risk, it's
common sense and of course I agreed to the
arrangement... which is little more than "I'm gonna
actively help push you..." and not really a contract
situation at all. Basically her saying: "I've got
the breakdowns coming, I'm gonna get you some better
auditions than what you're getting now." Simple, as,
that...
...of course
that's the logical side. Step back a bit and look at
what just happened in the midst of this entry? Yeah,
massive shift. Considering how low I was? Probably one
of the bigger (and fastest) shifts I've ever
experienced. I'm not in a drastically better place,
but I feel like I have support. I feel
like someone has my back. Someone I trust,
someone I know - and someone who thinks it's
absolutely ludicrous for anyone to ever think
I belong in Ohio. That's
what I need. I am strong enough to do this
journey... but we all need some support. And
some physical -- lives a few minutes away -- support.
Isolation will kill anyone, and I was there.
I am not out of the woods, but I can see the
way...
...I mean how do you not
smile after hearing Johnny Boyle again in 2010?
