At least there's hope in that
title... though it wasn't my intention, I was
honestly just trying to rhyme with the song. Add that
to the list of things that weren't my intention for
this "Unniversary" Entry... let's just get this out of
the way now:
The phrase "what the
fuck" was invented during a moment like this.
Guaranteed. You simply cannot imagine how out in the
open this is. Listen, I'm certainly not a sexual
prude... but the point of public sex is to NOT get
caught. You know? Like - see if you can pull it off
when no one's looking. This is more than lazy. And
damnit, these bastards ruined my video. LOL. I mean,
in the end? This will be far more memorable (and I
adore the phone conversation - Jess goin' "trash?"
"Uhm, Kinda..." is so perfect), but it really was
annoying. Not what I intended, now what I wanted...
but of course I'm taping that shit. And I will hear
none of it, so don't even try to start with how I'm
some kind of perv for hiding behind a rock and taping
them. It's like someone banging on the sidewalk, and
you're already shooting video... those people will be
and should be taped. Unreal. I'm still slightly
annoyed by this as you can tell. Heh. And honestly -
she remains clothed the entire time, the uncensored
version was probably fine... but I'm not messin' with
YouTube after "Who's Your President?" got taken
down (which was completely political). We'll see if
even this remains up. (sigh).
So it was 10 years ago today that
I married Jess. More importantly to me, it was
the last time I have felt that unbridled sense of
"right" when making a choice. I had zero doubts, and
was ready to jump. Something I was happy to have been
able to get to after already being divorced. And as
longtime readers know with Donna, there couldn't have
been a shakier "jump" in my life. Oh I still
tried like crazy to make it work, and hoped it would -
but we had outtakes at the wedding for crying out
loud. We knew this was a risk...
...10 years ago, it was just the
right thing to do and there wasn't a second's
hesitation. Nor should their have been. We loved each
other deeply and our ability to let each other go
actually proves that as bizarre as that sounds.
As I've mentioned time and a gain, that relationship
is still the proudest accomplishment of my life.
I said that to her today. If I didn't have her
friendship the feeling of failure in life for me would
be nearly unbearable. It is a success story to this
day, and how perfect was that at the end of the
conversation? It all played out about the way we
thought it would. I mean, it stings like crazy to
say that about myself... but I'm in good humor about
it. You have to be. It's an intriguing story I'm
putting together and as I say in the documentary,
"tha bad times provide the intrigue". So what an
INTRIGUING fucking year this is. Ugh.
Still no word from Friedman and
I'm about to enter the twilight zone next week as I
interview for a job as an Insurance salesman. Which
believe it or not? May be something I need.
I mean, really, really, really need.
I HAVE to right this ship before I lose
everything. More next week when I get through it
all... until then, love to Jess and Jeff and the baby
GIRL that they're presently cooking. Which all
but guarantees more babies in an attempt for an