Entry #1025
7:18 PM, April 8th, 2010:
I'm past the shock stage. Past the "woe-is-me" stage. I'm not even trying to get out of the puddle of shit I'm in right now. I'm simply wiping the icky brown-ness out of my eyes to see the next shitstorm that's coming. I won't be fooled again by thinking it's over and trying to get up. I've done that 3 times already this year and a bigger, even shittier, storm has hit me. I'm aware this is a test, and all I have to do is continue breathing and I win. Though this latest turn is hitting me pretty deep and I'm already at my lowest point in 8 years. But enough of that, this is indeed a great story to read (not live) though one I was trying desperately to avoid telling to not further fuel a legitimate psychopath. Alas, now, I have no choice.
In 1998, I went out with a girl. We both had fun, she ended up moving out of state, there were never hard feelings I was 22, it was a hookup. We had a mutual friend that worked at my radio station, I met Jess later that year… the rest is history.
In 2008, she found me on Facebook. We chatted a bit, and she mentioned she followed The Journey. From time to time I email all of my facebook friends Journey updates, etc. Since that time (from searching my own gmail account) she has responded to 2 of my entries and videos. We never spoke on the phone, we never met… it was just like the other 4000 friends I have on Facebook. Not that this isn't a nice person, I simply do not know her other than what happened 12 years ago, and honestly - neither of us remember too much about that.
Last month I got a frantic Facebook email from her saying that her ex-boyfriend (who she has a stalking restraining order against) is obsessed with me. Why? She left him last summer when they were on vacation in California, he thought it was for another guy, so he hacked into her Facebook account and made the connection that it was me because I was her only Facebook friend from California. Brilliant dude. I was in Africa at the time. Anyway, he vandalized my Wikipedia page saying I stole her away last summer when they were on vacation in LA (again I've never seen or spoken with this woman other than facebook messages in 2008, a year previous to this) and she apologized, but didn't know how to undo his wikipedia edit and thought I should know.
For the next few weeks, I, along with several administrators on Wikipedia, repeatedly undid his vandalism. Literally dozens and dozens of edits. Most of his vandalism was along the lines of "But despite all of his amazing 'accomplishments', and standing in the homosexual community; remains an absolute failure." Stupid juvenile stuff, and clearly vandalism. He made up new names on Facebook, added me, then would write slanderous shit on my pages, I would block him… etc. He writes on my YouTube channel, follows me on twitter. Unending. At first I wrote to him, simply saying: "Dude, you've got the wrong guy - I've never spoken or seen her since the Clinton Administration" but it has made no difference. And I stopped trying after that was clear.
Until yesterday, this was just a minor daily occurrence of me having to check the page throughout the day - and revert his edits. Frustrating because I link to my Wikipedia page often when dealing with my career, but with all the shit I've dealt with this year? A minor annoyance in comparison. Then someone trying to help, inadvertently turned this into an all out emergency, and a 24-7 issue.
Gordon, my web guru, contacted someone he knew at Wikipedia to try and get the page "locked" so no edits could be made for a bit while this dies down. As he was doing this, the stalker, who we'll call Charles Groves -- because that's his actual fucking name and the last person I'm gonna protect now -- nominated my page for deletion. Something that also happened in 2008 because of a lack of "notability" when we couldn't verify my status as the first video blogger. It wasn't deleted, but several admins thought it should be. Now, the guy at Wikipedia that Gordon contacted, saw this was the stalker, removed the nomination for deletion, locked the page from edits, and then (this is where it gets unbelieveable) decided to put up his OWN nomination for deletion of the page because he agreed with the stalker.
I mean, seriously? This is like a poorly written script. But unfortunately, absolutely falls in line with most "admins" on Wikipedia that seemingly get-off on showing how "constructive" they can be in tearing down pages. Bizarre group. And when a page is up for deletion? ANYONE gets to chime in on their thoughts. So of course, Mr. Groves signed onto several computers, several different user names and is presently filling the page with nonsense. Misinformation that I simply cannot keep up with and have to hope that the people involved will actually read through this carefully, match up his IP addresses and usernames to his earlier vandalism in the past month, and keep the page up. Here's the link:
Laughably juvenile remarks by Mr. Groves, but since no one else is really chiming in? I'm in trouble. The only "real" person to respond, voted "weak delete" again because of notability, but not based on the reference links provided on the page... but on an admittedly "cursory glance" at a google search. And why is a cursory glance at a google search on my name bad? Because my website is fuggin' massive and has been around for 11 years. So it takes a little more detective work to see the TONS of other links attributed to me from CBS, MSNBC, GMA Network in the Philippines and dozens upon dozens of web sites. So unless some incredibly thorough admins on Wikipedia come to my defense - everything is gone, most likely including the first video blogging moniker that I've worked over ten years for. If this was any other organization but Wikipedia, I'd rest easy knowing they would do their research - but they've proven in the last nomination for deletion that they take actual pride in showing how "constructive" they are by tearing apart pages that have been nominated so they look like they're "good members" of the Wikipedia community. It's even more bizarre because a simple search on Wikipedia will show you hundreds upon hundreds of pages that stay up despite woefully inadequate references and links. Why? No one brings them to the attention of the community.
But the real frustration is that the stalker is straight up lying and no one but I am calling him out.
"…there are absolutely zero references from reputable sources. Say, a major News, or media organization, there is absolutely no acknowledgement of Adam Kontras within CBS."


All I can do is post links TO CBS. Nobody else is refuting what he's saying. This harassment aside, the bottom line is - I am the first and longest running video blogger, and I was a contributor on CBS, I did multiple interviews, was a performer acting and singing, and worked with them for over a year. Those two things (completely discounting the comedy central pilot and my entire 5 year radio career) are notable enough to stay on the site. But that's just my opinion.
Then it gets even scarier. Check out Mr. Groves' public myspace page:
http://www.myspace.com/yourlordandsaviour - gotta love that screen name (sigh)
If you check out his photos, he has an entire album devoted to his ex and it's pretty intensely creepy psycho-stalker shit…
Frightening. Again, need to reiterate. Have not seen or spoken to this woman since 1998 other than a few random instant messages when she connected with me on Facebook in 2008 and responded to some of my entries in 2009. Since this blew up last month, we did finally talk on the phone so I could get information on the detective investigating her case and to just ask her "what the fuck woman?" to make sure she hadn't been lying to this guy and making up all these stories to get him pissed off. Now that I see the extent of his "stalking" it's pretty clear she was not. I will contact the detective tomorrow. I've never really seen a stalking like this except on Dateline NBC, and I'll be damned if I don't take the appropriate measures to protect myself.
In the midst of all of the scary shit, I see on his page, Spencer....
Even though I'm actually scared for my own personal safety right now? That made me laugh out loud. For newcomers, Spencer is a gay character I play in The Egos. You just have to say "fuck it" every once and awhile and see the humor. After that subsides however, I realize I have no choice but to contact the police. I haven't the slightest idea why he continues to use the actual name of the woman who has the restraining order against him on Wikipedia/YouTube/Twitter and Facebook as it's just more fodder for the investigation. I've forwarded everything to the detective through the woman, and as I mentioned, will call him personally tomorrow to understand what my next steps are. This entry is the first step in getting a public record of what's been happening.
I've kept all this quiet up until now because as I said I wasn't going to add more fuel to the fire and make him think he "got to me", but the truth is - what's the point of that? I'm not gonna act tough here, I'm gonna be honest - he IS getting to me. This IS affecting me. This IS keeping me up at night. He IS harassing me, he IS bullying me and by getting Wikipedia to review my page for deletion? He is really hurting me. I made this video out of pure exhaustion knowing I had to get this entry up ASAP:
There is of course another reason I've tried to not make a big deal out of this: all of you reading this.
When you have the marriage record I do? It doesn't matter how honest you are. No one will take the time to read the specifics of my relationships, they look at the quantity - period. If I mention I'm in a relationship? The jokes come flying. So it doesn't matter that none of this is true. The real truth is? When you put this much of your life out there for public consumption? Anyone, even if you've done absolutely nothing to them, can hurt you. They can "destroy" you. It's the price you pay for being open. Thought I had balls for releasing "Palaur" 10 years ago and admitting my faults? Maybe it was couragous, but guess what… now it's just more fuel to the fire that that is the type of person I am. Married three times? And it just so happens that now some guy is angry for me stealing his woman? It allllllllllllll falls into place. And even if you believe me now? What happens when this happens again? You'll remember this incident and have doubt. I'm "connected" to nearly 4000 people on Facebook. If someone else gets their account hacked and some brainiac decides I'm the man his woman ran to when she left him in LA? The same thing can happen. The Journey is WIIIIIIIIIIDE open with all of the most personal intimate details of my life open for everyone to see. Even writing about this? Leaves me open for this to happen again and again. And as we all know, if something happens twice… it must be a pattern. And NO ONE will take the time to read 1025 entries to see my true character.
Think about it, we all do it. I DO IT. I hear about a celebrity on TV in trouble for something? Or there's an accusation associated with them? I compare it to the person's past, if anything matches up? My initial instinct is that it's true. Think about your own friends who you know pretty well. The second there is a perceived pattern? You initially judge them. You may give them the benefit of the doubt, but there is doubt! The previous knowledge creates that doubt even if it's proven completely untrue. Instead of getting support from my friends online about this? They think it's funny. This isn't outrageous or even abnormal to them. Drama and Adam? Sounds about right. Brings it on himself.
Anyway, I don't want anyone's pity for all this, I just want everyone to realize the sacrifice that is this video blog. It's why I hold the first and longest running video blogger title in such high regard. It's fucking HARD. It takes every ounce of my soul to keep going and it's a badge of honor that I've been able to put myself out there, so honestly, so thoroughly for over a decade. There's a reason why no one else has attempted this for this long - it's a mental test I honestly believe few could handle. 'Cause there's no money in it. I keep going because I believe this is part of a longer story and I want to see that story end triumphantly. These are the down times, the bad chapters. These are the moments when everything is going against you and you're losing your will to keep fighting. But I owe it to those who have followed this story all this time to keep telling it no matter how open it leaves me to crazy people.
I have to admit though, this is beyond anything I've ever experienced. I've always had SOME role in the dramas in my life. Not that they were all my fault, the drama is usually escalated by others, or been completely unjustified, but I was at least THERE. You know? It is incredibly frightening to watch something like this spiral out of control because of a delusion in someone's mind.
Now, I'm not gonna put out some grand message to all friends to jump on Wikipedia and defend me because I DO believe the pages should be judged fairly on the merits. I understand why Wikipedia has a community that judges these things, and I don't want a bunch of friends/fans just posting that they like me. However, if you have a legitimate argument about what is "notable", and/or have contributed to Wikipedia before, I would appreciate your point of view in the debate. Anyone can add their two cents even without an account (though making one holds more weight) and I do believe with my work on CBS and being the first video blogger, that the page is "notable". I believe the only reason it's even being questioned is because of excessive self-referential references (references pointing to 4tvs.com) that were put up to support the facts. It makes the balance of references tip in favor of 4tvs.com - when it's completely unnecessary - there's MORE than enough links to everything from CBS to MSNBC to the GMA Network in the Philippines and dozens of newspaper articles and interviews. So again, if you would like to give your point of view, I would appreciate it. This is a very clear "keep" if cooler heads prevail.
Finally, there is one positive thing that has come out of this. I've officially been included in a book! Check it out!
An actual "hold-it-in-your-hands-sold-on-Amazon" book! This was brought to my attention (ironically) by the guy who deleted the stalker's nomination for deletion, and then nominated it for deletion himself. I've added the author on Facebook and hopefully we can make a DVD/book swap. His book really seems to hone in on exactly what The Journey has always been about and SO FEW video blogs really do: force you to put yourself "out there" and grow personally because of it. I'm really, really excited to meet up with this guy. It's the first person I've ever read/heard about that felt about video blogging the way I did. There's soooooooooo much crap out there that gets confused with the revolutionary aspects of what video blogging can do. This could be an incredible silver-lining. Wouldn't that be nice.
Ahh, 2010. 7 months and 3 weeks until I never have to be within you.