It has been the
pattern since mid-2008 to painstakingly type out every
single person's email who adds me on Facebook, and
then send them a welcome letter letting them know who
I am and what I do. As I approach 4000
friends, the thought of that is exhausting, especially
considering how much the number fluctuates. Far more
than 4000 emails have been sent. This was the only
type of "networking" I could stomach. I
figure, they added me (or back in 2008, accepted my
add - exponentiality has kept me from having to add
anymore) so an email isn't that big of a deal. Of
course, to some it is... but the majority are happy to
see my demo, share their own with me - and I've made
some great connections. And the entirety of 2009
singlehandedly came from Facebook.
So it was with my
last emailing that a certain Duke Fightmaster emails
me back wanting to have me on his internet show in
Laguna Beach to talk about The Journey. Well who can
say no to that. A quick Google search on Duke
shows he's been doing these shows for years and my
thought is, it's more fodder for the reel. One more
Journey story, and something that can lead to
something else. It's funny, I remember Ann
Walker's friends poking fun at her by saying she'd be
at the opening of a garage if they asked her to...
and, well - damnit, yes. Forget why that's good for
the industry we're in, it's just good for life. Jump.
Ann and I have the same mentality here. Throw it
ALL against the wall. Far more is lost by
inaction than wrong actions. Looked like fun, and I am
always fascinated at how others view "The Journey".
It's vastly different depending on the numbers each
person stumbles upon.
Duke's take was
kinda funny, and I'll save my thoughts on that when he
gets the full interview edited next week. Duke had his
wife on the show and I ended up sitting in
between them... needless to say, the awkwardness with
my own "record" was quite funny. Can't wait to see
it.
Not 100% sure what
to make of the show, and I apologize to Duke right now
if he finds this offensive, but I can't tell if he's
trying to be funny, or purposefully trying to not be
funny. It's like the first time you watch Kauffman.
Everything on the show was like that to me. That
uncomfortable laughter 'cause you're just not sure
what the hell is going on. Here's a bit of what I took
in...
What I
certainly did appreciate was how he was able to
get the club in Laguna Beach (Club M) to give him the
space. By pimpin' the club during the show and
bringing in a small crowd before it actually opens -
there's really nothing but positives for the owner and
for Duke... and the setting is definitely cool.
Certainly makes me curious as to what I could
pull off. Only issue is, I'd want to do the show like
I did for Comedy Central and it's just not
feasible without a budget. The show is just too big
and requires too much preperation. I don't want
to just be the ringmaster, I gotta be the clown too.
And honestly? I'd rather be the clown. I'm a good
clown.
What I also
am, and maybe to my core and my own detriment... is
this:
Will there ever be
a picture that represents my life better than this?
I saw this in an art gallery before I went
to the club. 40 years from now, how does this picture
not symbolize everything? The thing is? I embrace
it. I want it. I want to be alone. I like
being alone. I like being different than everyone
else. I've fallen in love with the idea that it may be
all I stand for. The man in that picture isn't
necessarily happy, but he's himself. He is the most
interesting man in the room, and that glass of wine
dulls the pain he feels for achieving such an honor.
My heart is already that old. My mind has already
lived that long. My experience has already
overshadowed my age. And I love who I
am...
...but hate myself
in any other role than Journey Adam. The locked
entries hold more pain. When the time is right, most
of them will be shared. Just know it's as if every
painful area of my life from the past 10 years has
landed in my lap all at once. It's a "this is your
life" period where every second reminds me of another
failure from years past. I'm trying desperately to not
let it erase my ability to feel joy...but I'm
dangerously close to the only thing in my life that
brings me joy being another break. That is a
nightmare. You can't live for the big break.
I never have. It was always part of The Journey.
A journey that has now become a monumental
struggle to keep honest.
