video locked until january 3rd, after the show in Columbus
Entry #999
2:24 PM - January 1st, 2010...
This is spooky. This honestly takes my breath away a bit. I decided to go back to black on white for 2010 as an homage to 2000... but I really underestimated just how trippy it would feel. I went to white on black in 2001 and other than the god-awful green in '02 and gold in '03 (which was still light on dark) I've stuck with white on black. Actually annoyed some people, but I really felt black on white represented "old" and "amateur". Now it feels like I'm somehow breaking into 2000 and editing my past. Completely bizarre how attached you can grow to colors/fonts, etc. You ever want to watch my cerebral cortex split? Hack into "The Journey" and change all the colors and entry bars. It would be like replacing my parents with actors in my memories. That's how integral the color schemes are to how my brain processes my past.
How completely nuts would that last paragraph seem to me 10 years ago? Jesus...
It only takes a quick skim of the past 10 years to see the pattern that is unfolding, and the cold, harsh realities of what lies ahead this year. This is a work year. This is a nose to the grindstone, save your house, focus on finances until you lose your mind like you did a year ago type of year. This is 2003-2004, 2008-2009 (until I got the break and quit my job last year in May). It's not colorful, it's not exciting, it is however... the truth. For 6 months last year I believed with all of my heart that juuuuuust maybe I was done with years like that. I had just enough support from agents/managers/production companies (so I thought) and just the opportunity to show my stuff... when alas, it was my own misunderstanding of the opportunity (everyone's really) and in reality I was late to my own party. I swear to this project that I will never rely on others to relay or interpret information ever again. One phone call to Jim in early July and my entire life could've been changed forever - so now its a "rebuilding year"...
...and then I saw "The Journey" on the big screen (wait'll those in Columbus see it tomorrow night) and it completely blew me out of the back of the theater. The overwhelming quality of everything hit me so hard, that I'm gonna be hard pressed to NOT try and make this into a full-fledged documentary. Copyright issues will be the bain of my existence in 2010, no doubt. Getting the rights, finding the money to use certain pieces of music (CBS better not fuck me on all the work I did there) - I just know my heart REALLY believes in this now that I saw it on the big screen. Also, editing the entire thing into a 90 minute show, showed me just how good the story is. It's the fastest 90 minutes ever, and although I know I am completely biased here, the "what happens next" factor is overwhelming to me. We'll see how the Columbus audience reacts (though obviously they're homers too) and I'll take it from there. I think I have something here and I think seeing it projected in that fashion absolutely changed the course of my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you Smiley Girl (Cassandra Logan), and your friend Peter John Ross.
Other than that? As I said before, rebuilding. I'll keep pushing things, I have a couple things I'm dabbling in with my new agent, with a new section at Paradigm, I now have a lot of irons... but this doesn't feel like a "break" year to me. It feels like a "putting your ducks in a row" year so 2011 is awesome. Just my gut feeling, but as you know, that never affects my actions. I keep pushing it like it's gonna happen next week.
As I felt last year, I just really wanted to get to the end of this entry so I could start already. LOL. I feel like I should do something more monumental because - jesus this is the last 3 numeral entry EVER. But, I'm so focused on the show tomorrow - JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IT'S TOMORROW - that I'm racing like crazy. I feel good about 2010, but the betting man says 2011 will be bigger.
Now, enjoy the end of the year-end review.... ooh actually there's a bit more I wanted to add after this:
What happens next. Those 3 words man. It is the crux of it all. The conclusion is uncertain and yet another year starts and I'm just as hopeful. I have just as much confidence, the quality of material is even better, I've surprised myself even more... and see that sincerity? See that guy getting interviewed? He really is excited. He really wants to see what happens next. I cannot believe I still have that in me.
Things are moving in the right direction, and tomorrow night - those who can share that with me will see the beginning of "From 1 to 1000". I'm gonna use that scene to start the real movie, where I go back into Entry #1 and tell 2000 Adam the whole story. I couldn't be more excited.
Hello 2010.